Glee

Though I'm not in high school, or any sort of singing group, or musical, or sports team, or anything of the sort, Glee hits an area of my interest that I can't effectively describe properly. I just watched the first episode again just now and it brought up feelings from the past that caused me slight anxiety, but it also gave me a good feeling. The feeling I had when I first watched Glee, the feeling I had when I watched it again with Amber, and then watching it now, were three different feelings, yet still the same. The first time, I was in love and I was sharing this new experience with that person. The second time, I was extending this experience to one of my best friends. And now, I shared it with one of my closest cousins.

Glee hasn't done anything to drastically change my life. It hasn't brought about any epiphanies or anything of the sort. I don't really know what it is about Glee that I'm attached to. Maybe the simplicity of the issues they deal with, the love the characters share within their group, or what. Maybe I wish I was mixed in with their drama. I think I'd enjoy being in high school again. Life is so simple in high school. There's so many people to meet and talk to and laugh at. Food is free, too.

Anyway, I just wish I could watch Glee with that same feeling I had the first time I watched it. It's weird how I feel about that sort of things right now though. The person from my last blog, I do like being around them. And they're cool, but I just can't get attached. I actually get more attached to some other people I meet. Sadly, those people don't get the same attachment. Sadly for them that is. Not me. I'm not missing out on anything beside another possible option. They're missing out on me. And that's a lot to miss out on. Ah well. I actually think I'm gonna cool down on that other option. I can't reciprocate the feeling. I don't want him to be where I was 3 months ago. It's wrong. And it's the reason I try so much more to break myself of my previous addiction. I admit, I do find myself drawing back to wanting what I had again, but then I remember what happened and why and how I was then. I didn't deserve it. And neither does a nice, new, sweet guy. Even if I want to be, I can't control the fact that I'm not attracted to someone. Yea, people can grow onto you. You can get accustomed to them, but it isn't the same as actually being attracted to them. And I don't want to short myself again. I don't want to have "everything, but."

I know I've deviated from Glee, but it brings me back to it now. There was a point in Glee where Quinn tells Rachel that she was meant for bigger things and that's why no one accepts her where she is. Though her intentions were slightly selfish, I think it's true. And I think if Rachel settles with the "small town" life that she currently is in, or is headed toward after high school, she'll miss out on a greater future. She'll be shorting herself for the simple fact that it's easier to accept her current situation and live with the missing pieces than to search for the whole picture. I want the whole picture. Rachel wants the whole picture, too. We were born to have it. Every time I see a potential happy ending come my way, I think of how easy it would be to settle into this new possibility and let life take that path, but in the end I'd wish I'd have kept going; kept waiting for that something more that I know I can achieve.

It kind of reminds me of this joke:

So the joke goes that there’s a guy stranded on the roof of his house. Flood waters are rising and he’s praying to God for help. A couple of kids come by in a canoe and say, “Hey Mister! Jump in!” Preoccupied with prayer, he ignores them and they paddle away. Soon the water level is higher and the local sheriff comes by in a dinghy, “Get in, pal! It’s gonna get worse!” The man says, “Please, officer, not now, I must focus on the Lord!” Before long the waterline breaks over the roof of the house and a helicopter comes by, dangling a rope ladder. “Climb up!,” the pilot shouts above the roar of his engine. With the water raging and chopper wind blowing fiercely around him, the man screams, “Leave me! The Lord will save me!” Finally, the flood overcomes the man. As he’s being swept to his doom he looks to sky and asks, “Oh Lord, why have you left me to die?!” “Left you to die?!,” booms the Almighty, “I sent you a canoe, a dinghy and a helicopter, you idiot!”

 Sometimes I think maybe these potentials are my boats and dinghies and helicopters, but when I look at the future of each, I don't see me fitting in well. It's like if the boat came and had a small leak in it. You know that boat is going to sink before it gets to the dry land. Or if a helicopter came with low fuel. You know it's gonna land in the middle of the ocean before you get to dry land and you'll be stranded yet again. I can't really say I know that that's what would happen, but that's what instinct tells me and some things can be pretty obvious...

...Iiiidunno. Wish I did, but I guess that would make me even more impatient to just get to that point. I'm not in any rush. At least, I try not to be.

I guess in the end, when I get where I'm supposed to be, I'll love and appreciate it this much more. I suppose that's what I share with Glee. Each week they have the same battle pretty much. Just in a different form. Their goal? Nationals. My goal? Well, it depends on how general you like it, but ultimately, it's happiness. Pixar, love, friends, etc.

Trusis,
Nasia o_O