Old FB Drafts

These are just some old drafts that I started writing on facebook, but never posted. I still want to share them, but not on facebook. It's too...too much. Facebook has too many expectations and judging eyes than people realize...

#1 - Sometimes I just feel like a big ball of emotion and I just want to say the things I feel...but some people don't understand what it's like to feel that way and so they tell me to keep those things to myself...there's nothing wrong with wanting to tell the world how you feel...especially when it's as strong of a feeling as this feeling I have...

Some people say I'm stuck in this fairy-tale mindset where everything is happy endings and butterflies and happiness. I'm not "stuck" in a fairy-tale mind...I'm in it on purpose...and if I want to tell someone that I love them to death, I should be allowed to without feeling like a retard. I hate it when people are like "ugh stop being all mushy and corny, etc." Just because you can't find someone to love you doesn't mean I can't show my love for someone else.

#2 - I've learned that sometimes people need a nice, long, meaningful hug from someone they love...and if you happen to be the person they love at the time the best thing to do is just hug them back. Give them a genuine hug. You never know what could be going through their minds when they decide they need a hug and maybe that hug could solve so much for them. Just hug them until they let go of you. I know some people feel awkward about standing in the middle of a room hugging for a real long time, but sometimes it's necessary...so if your brother/mother/father/cousin/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/friend wants one of those nice, long, meaningful hugs, give them that hug. You never know what it could mean to them.

Dear Lord...Dear Gilani...

I try. Everything that comes my way, I know I always make it through. You know, for a while I didn't know what to have faith in or who to believe in or where I go when I die or anything. Sometime last month someone said you were paving the way and opening the doors so when our time comes we have our spot up in heaven already prepared. That's how I feel. I'm not afraid to die. I swear every time I feel something hot I can't help but imagine what you must have felt that day. And then I have to hold it all back for fear of moments like this. I'm so confused. So hurt. I feel like all the tears I've ever cried have never meant more than these. All the tears wasted on stupid people that took my heart for granted. And now I cry for you. I was supposed to get photoshop for you the next time I saw you. I remember teaching Jayla how to skate a little bit. We didn't hang out much, but I understood her. I always wanted to help you understand her, too, but we were never that close really. I still looked up to you like I do my mom and your mom and granny and all the women in our family really. Part of me wanted to be just like you. I mean, I still do. I want to have that confidence and that strength. I've seen you in your down moments, too and I know you're human just like us, but I also know you were more. You inspire me to live and have faith and be so much more than I am and I know I'm doing it. I know you're proud of me, too. Just as we all are of you. Well, if you can see me now, I know you'd be giving me a hug. Tell me it's alright. I just miss you...feeling the effects of being away from home for once, too. I'll be okay. Thank you. <3

Love Always,
Nasia