I try. Everything that comes my way, I know I always make it through. You know, for a while I didn't know what to have faith in or who to believe in or where I go when I die or anything. Sometime last month someone said you were paving the way and opening the doors so when our time comes we have our spot up in heaven already prepared. That's how I feel. I'm not afraid to die. I swear every time I feel something hot I can't help but imagine what you must have felt that day. And then I have to hold it all back for fear of moments like this. I'm so confused. So hurt. I feel like all the tears I've ever cried have never meant more than these. All the tears wasted on stupid people that took my heart for granted. And now I cry for you. I was supposed to get photoshop for you the next time I saw you. I remember teaching Jayla how to skate a little bit. We didn't hang out much, but I understood her. I always wanted to help you understand her, too, but we were never that close really. I still looked up to you like I do my mom and your mom and granny and all the women in our family really. Part of me wanted to be just like you. I mean, I still do. I want to have that confidence and that strength. I've seen you in your down moments, too and I know you're human just like us, but I also know you were more. You inspire me to live and have faith and be so much more than I am and I know I'm doing it. I know you're proud of me, too. Just as we all are of you. Well, if you can see me now, I know you'd be giving me a hug. Tell me it's alright. I just miss you...feeling the effects of being away from home for once, too. I'll be okay. Thank you. <3
Love Always,
Nasia
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