It seems somehow I haven't posted a thing in this blog since I made it. Well that's a little strange. I don't even remember the purpose of this blog. Ah well, anyway, I guess I'll use it as my sort of outlet to the world 'cause I'm starting to think people don't really care too much to read my deep, thought-provoking facebook statuses. wow, i totally thought that was supposed to be "stati." weird...anywho, i'm reaching a sort of dilemma in the general direction of my love life. and i know most people start blogs with a "welcome to my blog blah blah" but im just gonna jump straight in.
so i wrote this big ol thing i was gonna say but i changed my mind. basically, i'm single again and my heart is hurt and its running in circles like a lost child looking for it's mother. it wants something to hold and make it warm and several beings with that potential have revealed themselves to me, but my mind wont let me free-fall anymore. the last time i was in this position i jumped in head first and though it was amazing, it left me where i am now. every time i begin to feel myself free-falling (and by that i mean letting go of past pains and what not) my mind catches me and pretty much locks my heart back in my chest and grounds me. like, when i get hurt, it's not just my heart that suffers and my mind knows that so to protect me both, my mind takes sudden control and throws me back in the slow lane. i guess i can't blame it, i'm tired of being heartbroken so often. 3 times in one year, idk how many times the year before that. it's crazy. and it's only 2 people. TWO. anyway, i just keep waiting this out. maybe my heart can heal and convince my mind that it's alright to free fall again. it's almost valentine's day and well, i've only ever hade one REAL valentine. that was last year. i've been closing myself off to the past year so much that i dont even remember what happened that day. i guess thats a good thing. well, this path is a familiar one, when i get to that fork in the road again, i hope i make a better decision this time.
I'm not trying to fall in love so soon. I suppose, I'm trying to fall back out of it...
