Family in the Morning

I think if I woke up to my mom yelling "Mousey, it's 3 in the afternoon! Wake up!" and then come out of the room and get a hug from Granny and Rene, my "mornings" would be SO much happier. Even if it was two other people like Aunty Vida and Jonathan or just anyone in my family. To have the first thing I think about when I wake up is my mom's voice and then I can hug a bunch of people I love, makes waking up sooo much better than how it has been the past month or so. So often, I wake up thinking about the past and just get depressed and then I spend about 30 minutes pumping myself back up and then I stretch, get out of bed, walk around the house, check my email, and then just continue with the day. But this way, I woke up, stretched, got out of bed, got some hugs, checked my email, and now I'm off to eat. :P I'm very happy I have such a great relationship with everyone in my family.

Trusis,
Nasia :P

Imagination

I have found a way to accept my current reality...by creating an imaginary one. Every time I start thinking about the downside of past events and start to get sad, I get a grip of myself and start thinking about that imaginary person that I ranted about. Somehow, imagining that he might just be waiting for me somewhere makes me feel a whole lot better. It's kinda weird, but it works. I've also realized that I don't have the energy it takes to be in a relationship the way I want to be. I've gotta strengthen my heart back up and recharge my lasers. I need to go out into the world and meet new people, make new friends, experience new places. If I'm going to find my partner in crime again, I've gotta be at the top of my game. No one wants to be the partner of a washed up superhero...

...but how does a girl go about finding these new people and new places? That's something I need to figure out...Donatello, prepare for battle! (That's my car btw.)

Once I get Dash and can drive Donatello without a licensed passenger, I think I'll start at a dog park, or the beach, or somewhere crazy like...I don't know...Hollywood Blvd. XD I'll make a few girl friends and then we can hang out and meet some guy friends and then the adventure just continues...that's how it happens in movies right? Hehe.

I think I'm letting my imagination run away with me...well that's what this blog is for anyway right? Wish me luck, guys. I'm gonna try wrestling life a different way...

Trusis,
Nasia :P

Opinions

I was kind of curious if the people that read this ever want to make comments about stuff or give me feedback. I'm gonna turn commenting back on so if you want to say stuff, go ahead, just keep it decent(?) please. I'm not on here to be judged. I'd post on Facebook if I wanted that. Haha. Anywho, I hope you really do enjoy reading this stuff.

Trusis,

Nasia :P

(I also turned on time stamps...I stay up way too late...)

Baby

I've realized that sometimes I just wish I had someone to call "Baby" and to call me it, too...again. I don't know why that word sticks with me. Oh well, one day...

Trusis,
Nasia

Some Sort of Rant...

"You'll be eager to kick back and enjoy yourself today once you have fulfilled your obligations. But don't passively wait for an invitation; do something that enables you to express yourself in a creative way. It's likely that others will resist making commitments now, so don't count on them joining you on your escapade. It's wonderful to have company, but there's something thrilling about venturing out on your own."

Horoscope advises I go on an adventure today...now...where should I go?

I wish I had this person from my mind...he's not a boyfriend...but not just a friend...and so much fun to be around. You just call him and say "Hey, let's go to Arizona" and he says "That sounds great." Then you guys go to Arizona. You don't even know why, but you go, and you find nothing to do there, but you still have a blast. He's everything you need him to be when you need him to be and when you don't he understands and knows that you actually DO. It's like he knows what you want to say, but doesn't say it first because he knows YOU want to say it. He does everything perfectly, but not so perfectly that it takes the fun out of life. You can't make fun of a person that's perfectly everything. He's clumsy when clumsy suits you best. The most adaptable man in the world. When you're angry he gets angry, too but only long enough for you to miss him and then he's right back wrapped around you. He doesn't hang out with other girls because he is simply amazed by only you, but he won't be more than your friend because you're not ready for more and he understands. He wants to take you places and buy you things and he does it, but very little because you don't want him to do it much. He puts no pressure on you, but at the same time gives you the motivation to live life to amazing extents and push yourself to heights you've never reached. He is all the inspiration and love you could ever need. And when you feel bad because you think he's just so perfect, he shows you that he is only as perfect as you are, though to him you are the definition of perfect. He grabs your hand at just the right moments and knows when you just need to cry. You hate him and love him at the same time, which makes you love him even more. When he looks in your eyes and you look away, he doesn't make you feel even more awkward by still staring at you. Instead he smiles and changes the subject for you because as much as you enjoyed that little moment, you're still scared to give in. He knows the conditions of your heart and expects nothing of you. He worries about you when you go home late at night by yourself, but would never tell you. He makes you breakfast in bed, but not every morning because he knows you love to be able to wake up and surprise him with it, too. He would never break your heart and only makes promises he knows he will keep. How anyone could possibly know is a mystery, but he would know. He would love you with a passion too deep for words, but only when you gave the word would he show you the world. He never takes things too far unless too far is where you want them to go. He would hug you for exactly the perfect amount of time; not so long that you're getting uncomfortable and not too short, leaving you with an unsatisfied hug. He calls you the perfect names at the perfect times and knows the exact tone to say them in because you can call anyone by their first name, but the way he says it makes you melt. He does all of this for you simply because he wants to. And at the same time, he takes care of himself. He has passion for his work and his hobbies and he loves to tell you about them because you love to hear about it and he loves to hear about yours, too. He can tell when you're lying and say "It was alright. Just worked all day," when you really mean "Ugh i have a headache 'cause blah blah and Jenny did this and blah blah" And he looks at you and you know he knows the truth so you tell him and when you're done he says something sweet and you just feel like Jenny could have poured her coffee on your computer, but you don't even care 'cause Jenny doesn't have THIS guy. And this guy couldn't care less about Jenny as long as you're okay. He doesn't stick around because he thinks one day he'll have a shot with you. He sticks around because he loves your company. When you're bored, he calls you up to go hang out at this awesome new place and when you really have no idea what you want to have for dinner, he picks a place instead of saying it doesn't matter to him where you eat.

If this guy ever decides to get out of my imagination and into my world, I think I'd be too scared to give in, but this guy, he would know, and he would stick around so that when I was ready, I could give in and enter total free fall for the fourth time in my life, but this time be completely certain that once he catches me, I won't go falling ever again.

Alright...I think I'm done ranting now...

Trusis,

Nasia <3

Nuke (for you 3D people out there)

As it seems I will be doing a lot with Nuke in the near future, I have been brushing up on my compositing skills a bit. It's strange how much more excited I am about opening Nuke than I am about Maya. Nuke DOES crash like Maya, but maybe not so often AND it auto-saves quite well. I think Nuke is such an awesome blend of logic and creativity that it both exercises and soothes my brain at the same time. And yea...it gives me a headache every now and then when things don't work like I want them to, but that's with everything. I remember back in CFM when I thought about switching from Animation to Compositing 'cause FOA sucked at the time. 2DA pushed me back to animating though. Anyway, I like Nuke. I always have. It's like Photoshop's love + Maya's...power? Haha. Idk, but nothing can get much better than that.

Trusis,
Nasia :P

What Doth

Wrote this tonight...

What doth salt to a wound fresh made?
To me it doth not more pain than the final cut of the blade;
It doth not more pain than the last pin that falls;
It doth not pain at all.
Not e'enth the first cut doth the most pain;
Not e'enth the second compared,
But by the third my heart was a slain.
And what doth anything to a heart impaired?
A heart stripped of love
Hath no pain worse.
Salt is but a joke
To heartbreak's curse.
So what doth salt to a wound fresh made?
What doth my blood to your sharpened blade?
What doth these words to thee?
What hast thee done to me?

Trusis,

Nasia...

Tonight

Sooo looking forward to tonight. I love what I do, but what I do is animating, and I'm not doing that right now. As you may know, I'm rigging. I need a good break from it. I think I may have found it...

It's pretty great spending time with people that just want to make you smile for the simple pleasure of making you smile and nothing more. I'm conquering a few fears and enjoying myself at the same time. Just me and the Green Hornet takin' a cruise in the Batmobile to some crazy superhero hideout club. Haha. Life is so much easier on the other side, but you gotta have both sides to keep it balanced. Luckily, I think I'm finding the fun half to balance out all of this work half. While I'm at it, I might find MY other half. Haha. Not worrying about that, though. Sadly, I can't reveal my other side. That would cause havoc in the world. I think for now, this is all you can know. :P I know some people think they know the other side, and maybe they did once, but no one knows the other side now. It's like if one guy was both Peter Parker and Bruce Wayne. So, though Peter is Spiderman and Bruce is Batman, they are both really one guy. And even if you figure out that Bruce is Batman or Peter is Spiderman, his TRUE identity is never actually revealed 'cause Bruce isn't even Bruce, he's actually Peter. XD But everyone knows that I'm Batman anyway and my TRUE identity is the me you know. Any who...I forgot where I was going with this. Well, tonight, I don't know what's going on, but it includes me not being in my house or worrying/stressing about work, so I like it.

Trusis,
Nasia ^_^

Relaxation and Stress and Money

How does one go about dealing with relaxation and stress when they are causing each other? You know in Austin Powers when Fatbastard explains that he eats because he's sad and he's sad because he eats. It's like that for me right now. Not that I'm eating too much or sad, but I'm stressed with certain things including work and it's mostly because I have to keep waiting for things and being patient. So, I try to keep getting a head start on things, but it tends to not always go the way I expect and just causes more stress, so I take a break and relax, but then I'm stressing because I should be working, but when I work I stress cause work isn't working. Do you understand where I'm going with this? Haha. There's some step between working and relaxing that I'm missing out on here. To figure this all out, I'm going to try going to bed early tonight and waking up early tomorrow morning. I'm going to make a To Do list of exactly what needs to get done and from 11am until 3pm, I'm going to work on all the things in that list. Then I'll have lunch and at 4pm I'm going to get back to work for another few hours to finish up the To Do list. That's how it was in ANP and that's how it's gonna be here for me.

And as for money, I thought about making another entry for that because I could seriously write a whole book on what I think about money. I hate it. It causes me the most stress. Even more than heart troubles. The only Disney movie that can heal my money troubles is the one I'll be getting paid to work on. I hate these greedy people...like...I can't even explain the fire that burns in me with how much I hate money and greed. I do NOTHING with money as my priority. It has no motivation factors over me. Sure, I'd do stupid things for it like everyone else. I need it to pay the greedy people and if I can get it easily, why not? The point is that I actually "need" it or else my life will just be hell trying to run away from bill collectors. I hate that the people with all the money, all the rich ceo's and what not, are all sitting on their fat butts not lifting a finger. Actually, they do lift a finger...to press the button to call their secretary in to fluff their fat pillows. I read about a ceo in Japan that actually makes less money than the engineers that work on his planes and he east in the cafeteria with his employees and even cut his vacation time and dug into his own savings account to help pay for things in his company. That's how things should be. Yea, you "run" the company, but you're not that important. The man that makes the burger should be paid more than the man that owns the building where the burger was made. The man that makes the burger can go anywhere he wants and make a burger, but a building built for making burgers is crap without burger making men. The burger men are more important than the building owner. Our world is all sorts of backwards and it's all because of money. Relationships of all kinds are corrupted by it. Perfectly happy families are destroyed by it. Friends become enemies over it.

I'm sure there are millionaires who actually worked hard to get the money they have, but what are they doing with it? We don't need homes with 20 rooms and only 3 people living there. We don't need a TV in every room. We don't need fancy couches and tricked out cars. If everyone just got a little above what they actually need, the world would work. But of course, that will never happen because the world is greedy. People just take take take and expect there to keep being things to give them, but one day it'll all run out and...well I'm sure you've seen Wall-E. And if you haven't, go see it now.

I think I'm done. I'm getting too upset and I can't really rip up all my money, as pleasing as that would be. I like to think I don't own it because I don't. It belongs to Sallie Mae right now. I'm done with loans. If I want a new car, I'm going to buy it with my own money. No car note, just all the money right there. Fully paid from day one. And the same for a house. I'll rent an apartment until I have the money to just go "BAM! I want this house. Here's all the money."

Ah!

I'm done for real now.

Trusis,
Nasia :P

Horoscope

"You are able to make the best of a difficult situation now, even if your partner or a friend doesn't follow your preferred course of action. Although you may have been shocked recently by someone's unexpected behavior, you're prepared to do what you can to make your life a success. Fortunately, what you learn will ultimately increase your self-confidence and help you to clarify your priorities."

That right there couldn't be any more true. I swear it works completely for what's been going on and how I feel about things right now. I know horoscopes are usually pretty general and like, everyone relates to them or whatever, but I mean like, the last few horoscopes said for me to not look clarity in my current situation and to be patient and let it work itself out, and boy was it foggy, but I let it unfold on its own. Now I'm here with this feeling, like everything is starting to come together, and I've got control, and I just feel pretty great and then I read this horoscope and I'm like wow. Really? Well, I'm carrying through with this idea/feeling that I have. I'm going in carefully/cautiously, but making sure the birds don't finish their food before I can catch one. Ah, well, back to my world.

Trusis,
Nasia ^_^

Comfort Zone

Today I realized how far out of my comfort zone my job has pushed me. Of course, it's a professional and personal challenge that I've overcome, so it's not a bad thing. Though I have learned all the different aspects of what I do, I've never really been pushed in this direction so far. What I mean is, I'm an animator. A puppeteer. I breathe life into characters. And what I've been doing for the past three days is rigging. RIGGING. And not just character rigging, but WINGS! wit FEATHERS! Alright...so imagine you've got a doll right? And you have a person that wants to use your doll as a puppet (I'm that person. The animator.), well someone has to put the strings on the doll to make it a puppet. That's the rigger. With computers it's a bit more complicated than just attaching strings. Well, the stereotypical thought on this whole situation is that animators, though they may have rigging knowledge, aren't technical in the way riggers are and riggers...they're just too technical to animate or something. Idk. Anyway, animators and riggers are supposed to have this funny relationship where riggers rig things and animators accidentally break the rigs and complain about the way it works and all this stuff. But the bottom line is that animators don't rig...and they especially don't rig WINGS...but guess what? I did it. And though there's probably some crazy easier way to have done it...as I'm slowly figuring out, it's not bad. Kylie couldn't even break it. :D I guess in the end, knowing that I CAN rig pretty well is a huge plus. Oh, did I mention I also modeled the wings? ...and I put fur on them. FUR! That's visual effects stuff right there. I'm all over he place with this project, but hey, when it's all done I can put it on my reel or at least on my website saying "RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL WORK SHOWN." Ok, maybe not like that, but you get it...right? Next thing you know I'll be compositing again. And that's the truth. I WILL be compositing for this same project. Pretty spectacular. Well, I should be getting back to work now.

Trusis!
Nasia :P

Love Kills?

Gaston falls, the guy in UP falls, Mufasa falls. Disney loves killing characters by making them fall and when I think about it deeper, there's all that falling in love. Disney, are you trying to say falling in love kills? It's kind of an interesting thing to think about. I'll have more to say tomorrow maybe. Goodnight ^_^

Trusis,
Nasia :P

Disney and a Night

So, today was pretty awesome. I got to go to the skatepark and get some skating in with a pretty cool dude and had some awesome El Pollo Loco. I love that place. Then I went into the evening with an adventure at the arcade. Oh, can't forget to mention the chocolate and tiger. So sweet. Haha. It was a wonderful surprise. And of course, if you've been keeping up and sort of understand how my mind and heart work, you know that they're both in another jumble with all of it, but I think I'm sorting it all out pretty well. I know what I like and what I want and I know where the most potential lies. Until a concrete idea has been decided here though I'm gonna leave what I'm talking about as a sort of disclosed subject. I tried to use big words there to say "I don't wanna tell you what I mean." haha. Don't worry though, it'll all be revealed eventually. Any who, I'm feeling a lot better about my heart issues. I'm a lot more comfortable with my situation, whatever it is...and you know what? I think these Disney movies are really the ones helping with that. Like seriously, Disney is going to be my cure for all heart troubles. That feeling I get when I watch them is just amazing. I might not be the one falling in love, but I can share the feeling and, of course, it's got a happy ending, so I'm just left feeling awesome. Anyway, I'm gonna get back to watching Beauty and the Beast. I love Disney.

Trusis,
Nasia <3

Confirmed

I have confirmed my previous thoughts on how I work. I like to do the chasing. When I'm chased, I don't know what it is, but I lose the interest or something. I don't want to be saved like a damsel in distress. I won't lay down and be willingly swept off my feet. I wish I could sometimes, but I ride my own white stallion and slay my own dragons. I guess I just gotta keep waiting until someone either breaks down my barrier or I find the dragon that I can't slay. For some reason that's what I want...hm...silly heart...silly mind...silly me. I have been having fun at least. I wake up feeling good. I go to bed and actually fall asleep. I hang out with people. I have work. I'll be making money. And now I just need to sort the matters of my heart...

Trusis,
Nasia <3

Lullaby

Just a random thought...no matter how badly you might think you sing, to sincerely sing me a lullaby will guarantee yourself in my dreams.

Epiphany?

I think I may have just figured myself out. I tend to lose interest in the guys that talk to me like every day and are just totally engrossed in talking to me all the time, though I love the attention, I get bored of the same thing everyday. It's the people that show an interest but then pull away and let me chase a bit, that I stay interested in. But like, you can't pull away too long because then I think you're not interested anymore and that just defeats the purpose. If anybody reads this and this makes any sense at all, please let me know because I am so delirious right now. XD It's 3am, I'm watching the Lion King, and I'm eating rice and beans and chicken and potato salad. I need to stop talking to people for a bit I think. At least, at night I do. I don't want to break any hearts or lead anyone on in my current state of mind. I'm probably worse than a drunk when I'm delirious. I just say stuff that I probably do mean at the time, but it's best I don't say it. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm the most vulnerable when I'm delirious.

I also just realized that a kiss will tell me everything. Maybe most girls know that already, but I was just thinking about it and it just makes sense. I don't have any experience to know for certain, but it just feels like I know what I'm talking about. lmao. I think I need to get to bed. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Hope you enjoyed that :P

Trusis,
Nasia <3

Trusis

In case you were wondering why I post "Trusis" as my salutation, I'm going to tell you now. There's a joke that goes behind it but it pretty much comes down to using bunny ears instead of peace signs to say "bye"...which is still the same thing, but you know it's not when you do it. Trusis means rabbit in Latvian. It sounds like deuces, which I know a lot of people say, and so me being me, I say trusis. I kind of think of it as more of a "good luck" kind of thing, which almost lead me to saying "horseshoes" in Latvian. I don't remember what the word for it is, but it didn't sound as cool. Anywho, that's where it came from.

Trusis,
Nasia <3

Amazed

It amazes me how things work...guys that don't even know me try so hard to keep me smiling all the time. Like, I literally say thank you at least 10 times a day to a compliment from a guy. There are so many guys that would love to be my boyfriend just after talking to me for 5 minutes. I can't tell you how many times they've said "Omg! You're soooo cooooolll!" Those exact words. They're left speechless by me just being myself. Everything I have to say about myself just amazes them. And of course, they wonder "What's the catch?," but I really don't know if there is one or what it would be. I don't have a crazily over-protective family to have to impress. I don't have extra limbs and I'm not bi-polar. I'm pretty emotional when I'm sad or upset, but those are rare occasions for me, and what woman ISN'T emotional? There's no catch to being with me. The only problem I'm seeing is that once a guy is like really super into me, I kind of lose interest and then they back off. If you manage to get to the point where I actually say that I like you, even if I start to lose interest, DON'T BACK OFF. XD Like, when I want something, I get it. Show me that you can do the same. Impress me. Everyone keeps telling me I can have any guy I want. Take that into consideration and make yourself the guy I want. Confidence can take you a long way. And there's a difference between being confident and cocky. You don't have to change who you are. If anything BE YOURSELF. Compliment me in the middle of a conversation. Smile at me and tell me you think my laugh is cute. Flirt with me. Let me know that you don't want to just make me smile, but that you want to be there for me if I ever need you for anything. I can take care of myself, but I love knowing I have someone to talk to that will try to understand if I ever need them. And if you don't understand, tell me you don't but that you're willing to listen anyway. It kind of sounds like a lot, but I can promise you that whoever manages to find themselves in the position of my boyfriend will have all of the above and more from me. That's like, my standard. Once you have me, the sky is the limit. I'm not materialistic at all and I can't really buy things for anyone else right now, but when I can, I try to do special things to make you smile. I don't expect to be given gifts or treated to dinner or to movies or any of that stuff. I'd much rather stay home and cuddle on a couch than spend $20 on a movie (unless it's Pixar or Disney. They pretty much own my soul XD). Anyway, I hope one of these days someone can find himself wanting to be all that I want to be for him. I could really use a good night cuddling to a movie. Haha. Once you learn that feeling, it's an addiction you can't escape. I'll never be too broken to love someone and give them my all. I breathe love. Well, I think that's enough about that now...

Trusis,
Nasia <3

The Guide Book To This Dork

This post will be an ongoing list of facts and random things about me that may or may not be useful one day to somebody. It starts like this:

I believe I can get anything I want.
I never really want very much.
I'd prefer a long, sincere hug from someone important to me than a birthday/Christmas present.
I wear size 7 shoes.
My favorite color is red, though it has been known to drift into orange or purple on occasion.
My favorite color defines my state of mind.
*I love my Samsung Gravity. It defies the effects of gravity. I've got a MyTouch now that I do enjoy a lot. Gravity still has a place in my heart. It was a reliable and loyal phone.
I love water.
I used to want to be a firefighter.
High school was easy.
College was easy sometimes.
I love my friends and no matter how long it's been since I've seen them, I can pick right back up where we left off.
I fall very deeply in love when I fall in love.
I believe in happy endings.
When I'm sad, hugs make me cry even more, but they make me feel better.
When I'm happy, hugs can make me cry too, but only because I'm so happy.
When I'm angry, a hug can break me down, but will resolve a problem faster than ignoring me.
Puppies and kittens doing random things can brighten up my day.
I absolutely love compliments and songs dedicated to me *but done at the right times and not in too much of an abundance.
If I wasn't delirious, I probably wouldn't have made this.
I've tried online dating.
I've been in a long distance relationship and do not want to do that again.
I am very affectionate when I appreciate you.
If I let you see me cry, I really, really trust you and I feel like you trust me, too.
I hate letting people see me sad or angry.
I love knowing when someone appreciates something I've done, no matter what it is or when they say it.
I'm often speechless.
I don't know what to do when I meet people for the first time and that's why I'm always so shy at first.
I say a lot of dumb things to entertain myself.
If I give you the last of anything I have, it's just me being me. I know people take that as a gesture of some kind. I just do it.
I spread myself too thin and I'm often too proud to admit it.
Though I trust other people easily, I never put my future or life fully in someone's hands.
In group projects, I keep an eye on everything that goes on if it will affect my success. It's not that I don't trust you, I just like to know what's going on in case my assistance is needed.
I love chocolate.
I extremely love dark chocolate.
*Ghirardeli (however you spell that) Dark Chocolate with Raspberry filling was once my absolute favorite.
*Now I think it's Almond Snickers.
My favorite cake is german chocolate with coconut icing.
I have several favorite ice cream flavors including rainbow sherbet, cookies n cream, and pretty much anything with chocolate like rocky road, mint chocolate, etc.
Any of those flavors will make me happy.
I've only ever stuffed my face with ice cream from being sad ONCE and I hardly ate any of it.
**I LOVE COOKIES!
It takes me a while to fall asleep most nights.
If I eat oily/greasy chicken before bed it will take me hours to fall asleep if I even fall asleep and the sleep will be full of nightmares.
I don't know how to react to surprises so I usually just smile and say thank you.
I don't know how to react to lots of other things and tend to smile or laugh.
I spend a lot of time observing people interacting with other people.
I'd rather observe/experience a person than sit around asking them questions.
I've learned that I have a difficult time letting people get very close to me though I always show who I really am.
My one real weakness is in my heart and it's proven to be difficult to get in...and out.
My mind and heart work separately. This keeps emotion out of the way of my business, but I also lose a lot of control over my emotions. I can think straight though the water works are on full blast.
I have tiny ear canals. I used to get ear problems often. I'm sensitive about things going in my ears without my permission and sometimes even with it.
I'm very "hands-on" with most things.
Saying things with a certain tone or doing things a certain way can have a huge effect on how I feel about it. (i.e.: Significant other saying "babe" in a mellow tone and smiling will result in that "school girl" type of butterfly/nervous/smiley feeling. Change the tone a bit and add a worried look and a pause, and every possible death/breakup/badnews comes flying at me all at once. Not many get the ability to have either of these affects on me.)
If I look worried/sad/down and you ask me if I'm ok I'll most likely say "yea, I'm alright" and maybe even laugh a little no matter if I'm actually ok or not. If I say "no," meaning that I'm not ok, get ready for water works. If I don't reveal to you what's bothering me, I probably don't know, don't understand it, or just don't want to tell you.
I don't like to reveal when I'm feeling down because it tends to make others feel down about me feeling down and then I feel even worse. Just do things to take my mind off whatever it may be if you really think there's something wrong.
Just because I'm not smiling or jumping around, doesn't mean I'm not happy or that something is wrong. I like to chill, too.

That's all for now...

Trusis,
Nasia <3

*newest updates
**everything from here down is new

Dilemma

I've reached another dilemma in my heart. Part of me wants so badly to be in love again and yet part of me thinks it's too early to act on such a feeling. I know how easily I can turn the switch on when I want to. Once I feel things are going great, I can fall faster than...something that falls really fast. Idk. I'm in love with being in love when I'm in love and when I'm out of it, I feel like I'm missing something. Though I'm still happy, I just constantly yearn for that feeling to be there. I want to have someone to cuddle with when I feel like cuddling and to do all those other mushy things with, but I don't want to go running into another wall, and starting over feels like crap. Blah...patience...

Heart of mine be patient now.
The holes will soon be sealed.
Heart of mine be strong now.
The scars will soon be healed.
Heart of mine be silent now.
Your beat will soon be heard.
Heart of mine rest now.
Let your slumber go unstirred.

I think I've got to read that like everyday. I wrote it, but it still hasn't clicked in my heart. I guess I can just keep waiting for the day my heart is soaring again and hopefully, the heart of the person mine soaring for is soaring just as high or even higher.

Trusis,
Nasia <3

What A Day

So I went up to Slappy today. Things are looking good. Money's gonna be coming in and I'll be doing work. I don't have too much to say today, I'm so tired. It's been raining all day. I fell asleep on the ride home.

Trusis,
Nasia :P

Plans

Thursday: (today) Celebrating dad's birthday. Going back to LA that night. Working on these wings.
Friday: Going to the studio to do some work and talk about some stuffs. Work on these wings some more if they like how it's going so far.
Saturday: Aunty Lori and Aunty Neats birthday party. Work on wings.
Sunday: Hanging out with JiSun. Working on wings.
Monday: Culver City Skatepark. Work on wings.

That's the plan. Executing promptly. Time for bed.

Trusis,
Nasia V(^_^)v

Gnomes and a Party

Yesterday I went to see Gnomeo and Juliet with Leydi, my brother, Elly, and her mom. That movie was adorable and actually inspired certain things back into me. One of those things being that feeling you get when you really like somebody. I feel like as long as there are animated movies that keep that feeling alive, I will never lose the ability to love with my whole heart. Some people, somehow, lose that ability and it's really sad. Disney has instilled it into my DNA. That stuff is hardwired into my nerves. Love? What? Yea I know what it is. I LIVE it. That's another thing. The movie re-sparked my animation juices and I've got a rig from a friend that wants me to do a walk cycle and I'm ready! After some minor changes, but other than that, I'm ready! Oh, and my studio wants me to take a shot at modeling and rigging a set of wings. I'm doing my best, but I'm pretty sure there's got to be a better way to do this. It'll come to me. The mental juices are flowing and I had an awesome mini party last night so My "Fun Bar" is peaked. Like, if you try doing work with a low fun bar, you're not gonna get anything done very well, but if your fun bar is peaked, you can work and work and work and your work bar will begin to feel less like a work bar. And if you're having fun doing your work, well then both bars will go flying off the charts. Work will get done at alarming rates and you'll be enjoying it. Alright. Alright. Too many things going on in this blog right now. Stuff is flying places. There's juices everywhere. And with the sparks happening I think something might catch fire. So I'm gonna leave it here for now. Mehbe I continue later. We see. We see.

May the love be with you,
Nasia ^_^

Appreciation and Other Things

Not too long ago I said that every morning I woke up and had to remind myself of past events because my dreams convince me they never happened. This is still true with a few additions. Not only do I wake up having been convinced that the past events didn't happen, sometimes I wake up knowing that the events happened and I'm pissed about it. Like I'll have a dream replaying the events and it'll bring a new light to different parts of it, causing me to go deeper into the subject and figuring out new feelings about it all, thus waking up angry or depressed. Before, I would dream stuff, wake up all happy, remember what the truth is and just die. It's a very, very depressing situation, especially when you're all cozy in bed. Thankfully, I have found several very effective ways to break this curse each morning. One solution includes several good friends of mine. I'm very extremely thankful for these people, especially Jim, Amber, and Christy. I thought you guys deserved a mention in my blog, even if no one else reads this thing. You guys are awesome and I love you. I can't wait 'til we're all together again. And anyone that reads my blog, thanks. I don't know what you can get out of it, but if you get anything out of the things I say, that's cool. And also, thank you to the people that make Glee. It's the only show I watch and it's amazingly entertaining. You know what, I'm just gonna thank all the other random stuff, like Sweethearts. Thank you people who make Sweethearts, rainboots, chocolate, AIM, computers, plates, etc, etc. That list was going to be very, very long. Anywho,

Thanks,
Nasia :)

Adorable

This is adorable. It doesn't matter what it's doing. It defines adorable. Life should be about things like this.

Checkers

So, I hadn't been beat at Checkers in a long time, until last night. I have to say it was a real challenge. I lost like 3 times last night and didn't win ONCE. I made up for it today though. I lost the first match and the second looked like I was going to lose and then it was going to be a tie, but after a few turns of dancing around each other, I won. It was a really good game. Thanks Omar :)

The cake is NOT a lie!

Just beat portal. Here is my cake. I win. 

,:/+/-
            /M/              .,-=;//;-
       .:/= ;MH/,    ,=/+%$XH@MM#@:
      -$##@+$###@H@MMM#######H:.    -/H#
 .,H@H@ X######@ -H#####@+-     -+H###@X
  .,@##H;      +XM##M/,     =%@###@X;-
X%-  :M##########$.    .:%M###@%:
M##H,   +H@@@$/-.  ,;$M###@%,          -
M####M=,,---,.-%%H####M$:          ,+@##
@##################@/.         :%H##@$-
M###############H,         ;HM##M$=
#################.    .=$M##M$=
################H..;XM##M$=          .:+
M###################@%=           =+@MH%
@################M/.          =+H#X%=
=+M##############M,       -/X#X+;.
  .;XM##########H=    ,/X#H+:,
     .=+HM######M+/+HM@+=.
         ,:/%XM####H/.
              ,.:=-.

Valentine's Day

Since I can't shower all of my love onto one very special person for Valentine's Day this year, and since I don't know of any one person that would like to do the same for me, I have decided to do that for two people. I'm taking my mom and grandma to Red Lobster for dinner. We shall be the greatest Tri-Valentines ever! Be jealous. :P I believe my mom and grandma deserve a lot more than they get and I try to show it as often as I can, not just on holidays and special events. Also, Valentine's Day is always such a drag when you're single, but I'm not gonna let it get me down. I spent 19 Valentine's Days without a "real" valentine. I don't need a stinky guy to have a great Valentine's Day. (And I suppose guys don't need stinky girls to have a great Valentine's Day either.)

To end this thing, I say, enjoy your Monday. Life is still good.

Peace ^_^

Update: We went to brunch today instead. And it turns out I actually have a Valentine this year. :)

Identity Crisiseseses

So, everytime something dramatic happens in my life it seems I take on a new identity. Like, in order to get over it, I switch my way of thought from what's happening or worrying me to better things by changing my "identity" online. I suppose I understand how it helps me, but it's still a bit strange. Oh, and once things are back to a stable state that I can agree with, I go back to just being me. Though, the whole time I'm me...I'm just...a different part of me? I think I've had over 6 or 7 different AIM screen names because of this online identity change thing that I go through. It used to be my myspace name that would change, and then it was my AIM screen name and now it's just all over the place. I'm writing a BLOG about it! I guess that's the normal thing to do nowadays. I've never really blogged or kept up with a blog. I'm gonna try to do that now. Maybe it'll keep my identity crises to a minimum. Haha. I made chicken tacos for breakfast this morning. And my phone is off yet again. Once I'm getting paid, that won't happen anymore. I'm gonna get an iPhone...hopefully. Anyway, that was a retarded tangent. Right now I think my identity is a different part of me than it was any other time. I don't really know how to describe it. Usually it's like, my identity is just me pissed off about something, or me being all optimistic and having extreme self-confidence, or like me totally in love, or heart broken, or some mix of those. Right now, it's like all of those and none of those. Idk.

The name of this current identity is Dash. Why? Because that's the name of the next person I'm going to fall in love with...and she looks something like this:

Once I get enough money and this house is all put together, I'm gonna get her and she'll be my pal and all my troubles will be answered...because I don't have very many troubles anymore. Just those related to the heart and love and what not. Like I said in the last post, I'm not looking for another guy to fall in love with. I think it's more that I'm looking for someone to fall in love with me. Anyway, Dash will be my partner in crime. I've got Azuca, but she likes the crime part more than the partner part, but I still love her the same.

Here's to finding a stable identity...maybe I'll find someone that will keep me at just Donasia for the rest of my life one day, but there's no rush yet.

Peace  :P

Somehow

It seems somehow I haven't posted a thing in this blog since I made it. Well that's a little strange. I don't even remember the purpose of this blog. Ah well, anyway, I guess I'll use it as my sort of outlet to the world 'cause I'm starting to think people don't really care too much to read my deep, thought-provoking facebook statuses. wow, i totally thought that was supposed to be "stati." weird...anywho, i'm reaching a sort of dilemma in the general direction of my love life. and i know most people start blogs with a "welcome to my blog blah blah" but im just gonna jump straight in.

so i wrote this big ol thing i was gonna say but i changed my mind. basically, i'm single again and my heart is hurt and its running in circles like a lost child looking for it's mother. it wants something to hold and make it warm and several beings with that potential have revealed themselves to me, but my mind wont let me free-fall anymore. the last time i was in this position i jumped in head first and though it was amazing, it left me where i am now. every time i begin to feel myself free-falling (and by that i mean letting go of past pains and what not) my mind catches me and pretty much locks my heart back in my chest and grounds me. like, when i get hurt, it's not just my heart that suffers and my mind knows that so to protect me both, my mind takes sudden control and throws me back in the slow lane. i guess i can't blame it, i'm tired of being heartbroken so often. 3 times in one year, idk how many times the year before that. it's crazy. and it's only 2 people. TWO. anyway, i just keep waiting this out. maybe my heart can heal and convince my mind that it's alright to free fall again. it's almost valentine's day and well, i've only ever hade one REAL valentine. that was last year. i've been closing myself off to the past year so much that i dont even remember what happened that day. i guess thats a good thing. well, this path is a familiar one, when i get to that fork in the road again, i hope i make a better decision this time.

I'm not trying to fall in love so soon. I suppose, I'm trying to fall back out of it...