2012 Resolution

Last year I made a resolution to get out of my mom's house, get a real job, get fit, and because of events that occurred after my original resolution was made, I also wanted to get control of my heart. As the year began to end I was almost beginning to think 2011 was just gonna be one of those terrible years I'd look back on. Though a lot of unfortunate events took place, 2011 has redeemed itself in a way. For one, I eventually got a great job that I love and that I believe I'm becoming very valuable in. If not valuable, they at least like me and my work a lot. Either way, I've found myself in a very good place with very good people. Because of this job, I was able to move out of my mom's house. That's half of my resolution already. At the beginning of 2011 I was working out with my uncle and got my body back into the shape I like it to be in. Everyone keeps saying "oh you're already fit you don't need to work out", but no, I had to. I'm a perfectionist. And my body wasn't where I wanted it to be, but now it is. And I'm happy with it. To top it off, I've got this guy...now, you probably have been reading my blogs, or not, but you should maybe skim the previous ones to know that I have a "complex" if you will...that's my best way of explaining it. I've got Fairy-Tale-Itis. :P However you wanna put it, I fall in love and I fall hard. And the pattern has been that I'm pushed back out of it against my will and it's very unpleasant. Buuuuut that's not what this is about. See, I was careful this time. I took my time. I held back. But the minute I felt safe to fall, I fell. And I'm still falling. And it's crazy to me still. Maybe it's too soon to make any real observations, but I have a great feeling. Like a really great feeling.

I'm gonna go deeper into that before I move on to the real subject of this entry...
I have a thing about affection. A hug can mean so much more to me than simply...well, a hug. I hug my mom when I see her after long or short periods of time and then I hug her when I'm feeling up or down, too. And it's like, a comfort. You know? Like, nothing can happen to me when I hug my mom. And I get that from other people, too. People I'm close to or that really appreciate me and I can feel that when they hug me. So, of course, it's only important that I can hug my significant other that way. And man, does he give me great hugs. I feel safe when I hug him. It's one of the greatest feelings. On top of that, he gets along with my family of course. I can't be with anyone that can't get along with my family. Their approval is greatly needed. And I mean everyone from my parents and brothers to Granny Ver to Reyna and Jonathan and Jordan. All of their opinions matter to me. I guess I naturally go for someone they'd just like because I like them. Anyway, he loves being around my family and they seem to like him too so that's really cool. Another thing, when we talk about things, I can talk about anything. And I know there are people that tell me I can talk to them about anything, but I'm not comfortable doing so. With him, I can actually say ANYTHING. Anything at all. He's so...free. If that makes any sense. Like, his mind is beyond open, so much so that he says things that I'm almost certain I've said before. His hopes and beliefs are in sync with my own hopes and beliefs. It's so crazy to me when we're talking and he says something and I'm just like I SWEAR I've said that to someone before and it's sooooo true. And it amazes me because I don't even have to say these things. He just knows them. He's not "Disney Brainwashed", but he's got that magic...like...sometimes we get on the subject of our pasts and instead of it being weird, he's just like, "well this is how I would handle that situation" and I'm like "that's EXACTLY how I would prefer it." Usually I just know how I DON'T want something, but he puts words to all the things I want before I can realize that it's what I've been looking for. And he's just being honest. He doesn't know that that's what I would rather have because I haven't told him because I don't even know. And we go step by step through our lives and as things happen he just does things that throw me off because in the past things would have went different, but the way he gets by is exactly what I'd have asked for if I knew to ask for it. It's like after you get your burger and find out it has mushrooms too and then you know next time to say no mushrooms, except it's more like, this next time the waiter just knows I didn't want mushrooms and I'm just like wow this burger is amazing and he goes "Oh, I took out the mushrooms." And then it hits me. That's what I wanted. I hope that makes sense. Anyway...gonna move on to the next subject before I keep rambling on and make someone sick :P

Well, I'm not totally sure what my 2012 resolution is, but I think it's something like this:

I want to take all the things I earned and learned last year and plant them and let them grow. I want to be a better artist and climb the ladder at work. I want to grow to love my boyfriend to the highest extremes. I want to keep my body toned and get my lungs even stronger. I want to continue to grow in my music and writing. I want an overall upgrade on everything I've become. I want to go from Chapter 21 to Level 22. Chapter 21 was a bit of a drama with a fairly happy conclusion. I'm hoping Level 22 will be the highlight that follows. In 2011, I lost a lot of great things and a lot of bad habits, too. In 2012, I'll take the things I earned from 2011 and invest and nurture them to full maturity (or at least in that direction). That's my resolution. An overall upgrade.

Peace and Love and stuff,
Mouse <:3 )~