My car is broken outside of my apartment in the middle of the street next to the spot that it's supposed to be parked in. Tow truck will be here in about 20 minutes or so to put it where it belongs because we can't push it...or more so, it can't be pushed. And it's soooooo cold. All I want is my baby next to me, cuddled in bed, sleeping. Tomorrow is going to be a looooong day.
On the plus side, I got to spend all weekend with my Toro again. So that's awesome. Lot's of dancing. Lot's of sleeping. We even went to a studio and met some cool people. Aaaaand Usher and Alicia Keys were in the studio across from us, but we didn't get to meet them. But we did see them writing and talking to people and what not. And we'll be able to go back to the studio some time. Just gotta set up the dates.
At the end of the night, at least he got to experience that. The producer thought he was great. Everybody thought he was great. I hope things really get going for him.
I feel like I've been slightly distant, but not...at the same time. I want to spend time with JUST him. No one to get between or distract us. Just me and him and whatever we want to do. I could just lay my head on his chest and watch movies all day.
I could just hold him tight and cry right now >__<
I'm so tired. And I miss him so much.
I could spend a whole year with him and still miss him in the little bit of time we're apart. How do I know? I know me and how I feel. And that's enough.
<Off Topic..sorta> I'm honestly tired of the people that keep judging me and my decisions and the things I say. The people that take what they think they see and try to define it. It's like Kelly Clarkson's new song on the radio "Ain't it something y'all; when somebody tells you something about you; think that they know you more than you do." I know a few "Mr.KnowItAll"s and it's really...disappointing and frustrating. ESPECIALLY when their own history is just as bumpy or even more bumpy than my own.
Blah...
Forgot to mention my neck is sore...actually a lot of me is sore. And I'm hungry.
And these Lucky Charms are stale...but I'm gonna eat them anyway...
There's so much on my mind right now.
And I can't even write about it except for to complain right here.
A while ago I was talking to my Toro about how I don't want to really drink anymore and this weekend the subject came up of my disapproval of drinking. I originally told him not to let how I feel about me drinking affect whether or not he enjoys it and I guess it kind of shows that even that bothers me. I don't want it to. I don't want to make him change how he feels about it because of how I feel about it unless it's how he feels about it already. I don't want it to be BECAUSE of me. You know? I hate that image of the typical girlfriend that changes her boyfriend into whatever it is they want to change him into. I don't want to change him. I'm just bothered by alcohol intake. And it's not just when he does it, it's when anyone I'm enjoying time with does it. I kinda feel like they aren't themselves anymore. The same way I feel like I'm not really myself when I drink. If you don't remember something you did because you were drinking, I don't feel like it was you that did it. Idk. I hope that makes sense. I just don't feel like drinking is necessary. It doesn't help anything. It just makes you feel like crap. And it tastes like crap. It feels wasteful and pointless to me and I guess I wouldn't be Donasia if I didn't say that I try to make everything have some sort of point. I put logic to EVERYTHING. I can't help it. Well, kinda. When it affects me, or is directed towards me, or anything having to do with me (directly or indirectly) I dissect, analyze, and put logic to it. It gets organized and stored for later usage, which would seem to make a useless storage of information, but these things come in handy...I forgot what my point was.
Drinking is pointless to me and just makes me feel like the people I'm hanging out with that are drinking aren't the people I originally sat down with before thy started drinking. Prime example? My best friend. He's not himself when he drinks...or he's a few parts of himself set to an extreme level that is too obnoxious to continue writing about. He wants to see me drunk. I don't want to be drunk because I don't like losing control of myself or my world. Alcohol takes that control and I don't know where it puts it, but for the time I'm under its influence, I would rather be sober, enjoying my friends and family and remembering stuff. Alcohol is dumb. That's it.
I'm falling asleep writing this...typing...whatever...
:( I miss him
Happy(ier) Monday...
Nasia
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