Azuca's Mystery

So...I'm sitting at my desk when Azuca decides to jump up on my lap and stare at me. Since I've been back, she's NEVER jumped up on my lap. So I take advantage of the moment and pet her. She lays down and purrs. This lasts about ten minutes. She then licks my hand which is always accompanied by a bite. I tell her "no," and she stops. I keep petting her. She then decides to bite me again. I tap her head and say no as she jumps off my lap. Staring at me from the floor, her ears laying back, she pounces at my ankle. I tap her again. "No Azuca." She looks at me like "Damn you woman." I don't understand it o_O At first she wants nothing to do with me. Now she wants all of my attention all of the time. She even walks in front of my computer, steps on the keyboard, pauses in front of the screen, and licks her paws. Then she stares at me and keeps going. And when I'm around the house, she follows 3 feet behind me and meows when I look at her. This continues until I go in my room where she'll either find a place to sleep or try gaining my attention by walking across the desk...I don't understand...I really don't...

Earlier today when similar events took place...

Azuca's Steps

A Poem in Pain

I just wanted to share this...


How do you do what's right
When the right thing feels so wrong
when no matter how you say it

the message's just too long

and the machine beeps before you're done

so you never get it all out on one track

all i did was call

but you never called back

all i did was love you

but you never loved back

why do i get to suffer

when i just wanted to love you

how could it feel so bad

i had given all i had

and i would've given more

but you walked out that door

and my last words should be goodbye

but i cant and i don't know why

and i love you but i hate that you

wont be who i know you are

because i didn't spend a year falling in love with

the pain that you cause me

and i don't even want to hear that you're sorry

because i know it's a lie

you're just another guy

another stupid boy

and you played me like a toy

i'm typing on this keyboard like its a piano

and the symphony's my pain

you're breaking me

to a point where i dont think i could regain

that feeling i once had.

not for you or any other

you've torn me to shreds

and tossed my pieces in the gutter

was i just another girl

another heart to write your name on

you said i love you first

but i'm still to put the blame on

or maybe not the blame but

i still get the pain

i'm tired of feeling like

i made the dumb decision

i can't take this feeling

like i'm stuck in your submission

like you're sitting on my chest

i can't breathe can't inhale

can't take a moment to think straight

with your thoughts chasing my tail

i can't wake up with peace of mind

would you mind leaving me alone

could you would you please

eject your seat and be released

set me free

let me let you go

you can't possibly know

how much misery i still suffer

because of you, i'm your unwanted lover

your insignificant other

i'm tired of the pain of your heart so cold

i've gotten to a point where i've got nothing left to gain

from you but all i want is to remain by you

thought i was done with this addiction

but you've become an infliction

upon my heart

a cancer with no answer

cure me of your curse

you had me in so deep too deep 

to just let heartbreak creep

into my heart my soul cries for you

my heart tries to remove what you've done

but you can't replace the bullet once you've pulled the trigger on the gun

and i'm tired of feeling the burn of that bullet

every time your face appears in my dreams

it seems i can't purge myself of your disease

so put my heart at ease

and please please please

just leave

how could you do this this to me

you used to be my baby

my one and only

my everything i ever wanted

never doubted

that you'd always be there

but now you're nowhere

to be found

and i'm down

on both knees

begging you to release

please send me back the keys

to my heart

cause your pulling my strings

a bit too hard

i put in all my cards

all my chips

but you still took a dip

in the wrong direction

left me here with nothing but a reflection

of myself and theres no you

to keep me warm on a cold night

to hold me up when my head's light

to make me feel better

when i just dont feel right

and theres nothing i could write

to make you come back

nothing i could say

to make you you come back my way

nothing i could do

to get you

to see that

you belonged with me

and it hurts but i gotta do it

dont wanna do it 

but if you asked me why
id look you in the eye
and if you cant see the pain
in my tears as i cry
then baby all i can say is goodbye

...I think the best part is shortly after writing this, my misery was set on max and then came to a closure. Like the last high point (or I guess low point in this situation) before a flat line. In the end, I don't feel like that up there anymore. Said goodbye and not looking back, but to remember what I've learned. Now, as I said before, I'm just doing what I do. Continuing to be the me that I was before I was ever even hurt the first time. The strange thing about this is that I've been set with a situation that I would have previously found very ideal in the area of newly opened opportunities...or more so, a possibly reopened opportunity. I'm leaving it for the end of this week to know for certain how I should possibly handle it or if I'll even need to. We shall see...

Peace,
Mouse

Kindergarten Art

IM MCKNA NACLSA

("I'm making a necklace." And yes, that's tiny me.)

Relief in Depression

So I've come to a closure today. Details are unnecessary. Just know I'm done with the past issues and I'm never going back. It hurt, but it's what's best for me and right now all I need to worry about is me. I know who I am and what I'm worth. I know who's important to me and I'm grateful for them. I know who I can rely on. I know who will always be there. I know who I can trust.

I find it strange how I know certain things will happen and then they happen. I hate when it's something I'm dreading will happen.

Anyway, I'm done with that. There's no going back. Though I'm still sad, I'm kind of relieved...

Here's to happier days. ^_^

I'll find what I'm looking for one day. 'Til then, I'm gonna enjoy what I have now.

No more searching.

No more crying.

No more doing anything that isn't what I do.

I'm Nasia.

I'm Mouse.

For 18 years I was fine by myself.

For 2 years I felt a roller coaster of emotions.

I'll be fine.

It's built into me.

And it's time to go EKA on this world...

Peace,
Nasia

EKA_Mous3

The other me...I didn't finish it, but I wanted to post it anyway...I want that jacket/cloak...thing...and the boots from the EKA Nasia picture. I was going for that again here, but I didn't feel like making it exactly the same again. I actually drew this in a notebook while riding the bus to work this morning. Preeeetty difficult, but I had to get the idea out. I was also listening to the Sucker Punch ost so yea...recognize the jacket/cloak thing from Sweet Pea's costume?

Spaghetti and Cookies

Today I was making spaghetti so I threw this piece at the wall and it stuck. This is also the 1000th picture on my phone. Well, 1000th taken. The number just keeps going up even if I delete pictures. Anway, why are subway chocolate chip cookies so good?! I have 1 and a half and I was just going to take a piece of the half and save the rest for later, but I actually just ate all of it. Well, most of it. I've got 1/4 left and it's about to get eaten...I'm gonna do some crunches and push-ups after this. My trainer rescheduled my workout for today to tomorrow, but I still want to get something in today. I've got 19 minutes. I just finished the cookies. Azuca is laying where I need to do my crunches. I don't have very much floor space if you've seen my room. Ah! 18 minutes. Alright...

Peace,
Nasia :P