Is it really progress when you can still fall back into the same hole over and over? I'm not angry anymore. And not exactly sad either. Well, sort of. I had a dream...or nightmare. Whichever you prefer to call it. He came back and I let him. Would I do that in real life? I'd like to say no. I'd like to say I'm done with it as I have before, but that's not entirely how I feel anymore. When I was sad, in the beginning, I probably would have said yes in an instant. When I was angry, I probably would have stabbed him at the very thought of it. And now, I don't know what now. I've evaluated it all and I feel like there was no sense in being so angry beside that he hurt me. Shouldn't that be enough to say no forever? Not at all...because forgiveness changes those things. I tried talking to him again not too long ago. One of those "hey how have you been" kind of conversations. Catching up on what's been going on in the past months outside of any kind of relationship talk. That was ok. Nothing happened. But until someone comes along and completely cures me of this addiction/curse/disease, I can only keep the symptoms down temporarily before they find themselves terrorizing me again. Many will try. Someone will succeed. Good luck.
Stay strong,
Mouse <:3 )~
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