Once Enraged

A picture I did a while ago. Just sharing it.

21 Lemons

Sometimes life gives you lemons. Sometimes it asks you to make lemonade. Sometimes life gives you oranges. And it still asks you to make lemonade. I feel like, today, life gave me lemonade. And told me to enjoy it :)

Many things happen in life that we question or that we try to prevent or that we watch occur or pretend didn't even happen. It is life. Sometimes things happen that we don't even realize are happening until one day it's like BAM! I HAPPENED!! And you're like WTF! or like OMG YAY! or however you react to the occurrence that has now appeared in your life. Right now, I'm in the middle of several things that have been building up (in a good way). Friendships, work, family stuff. Though it isn't perfect, it's coming together in a more delightful pattern...if that makes sense. On top of it all, I'm reaching another threshold. 21. Yep. This one actually feels like once I pass it I'll feel different, unlike the others where I felt like they were just another birthday. After this one, I can buy my own noffs and do other things I might want to do one day that I can't do today. XD I cross this threshold with a silly hat on my head and a house full of friends and family. I can say I'm excited to reach a number higher than many kids can count to. (baddum tsh) Very tiny drums for very tiny joke. Anywho, I'm tired. So I'm cutting this short.

Hasta la vista,
Mouse <:3 )~

Love: What is it?

There was this song playing on the radio the other night while I was in the car with my mom. The lyrics went something like "I don't know what I'd do with out ya. I can't live without ya." Or something along those lines. And I told my mom "I don't know how to feel like this song. I don't understand what it is or how it is." She just laughed and looked at me funny like always. I was also half asleep, so I wouldn't have taken me seriously either. But thinking about it today, I realize I don't know what that is. I remember what it felt like to know what it was, but I don't remember WHY I wanted to feel it or why it felt so good talking to someone everyday or just being around them, even if it was for no reason. Why did I want to spend so much time sitting next to someone while they played a video game or making surprise dinners or randomly cleaning their room? Why did I enjoy that? Like, what makes you want to do that? I know...the answer is love of course...right? But what is love beside a pattern of hormones triggered by some sensory recognition, etc, etc <insert more big words>. I don't quite understand love anymore. There are occasions where I feel that tingly feeling in my stomach or that warmth in my heart as a reaction to someone's actions, but then there are times where I feel like it's pointless to feel those things. I know that I want to have that feeling when I see someone or hear their voice or hug them or whatever, but I don't know WHY. Am I supposed to know why? Once upon a time, love was simple. I felt it. I knew it was there. And I'd do anything and everything I could to hold on to it. Love was a belief I held onto like a security blanket. It was concrete. It existed, and I had it, and I defended it. Try telling me love doesn't exist 2 or 3 years ago. I wouldn't agree to a very high degree, but I'd leave people to their beliefs. I'm not one to push my beliefs on another, but I made sure to get my point across that I stood strongly in my belief of love. But now, I'm just like uh...some people have it, some people don't. I don't love love like I used to think I did. In a way I even dislike it. Mostly for it's confusion factor and the fact that it doesn't seem to like me very much either...

Anyway, I don't know why the concept of love (yes, "concept") bothers me so much lately. Beside that I had it when the year started and then quickly lost hold of it, it doesn't make much sense to me anymore. I don't even know why I want to know WHY. <insert confusion> *sigh*...

Oh love, why must thou treat me so?

<:3 )~ Mouse out.

Sometimes Things Happen

Sometimes things happen when you're trying your hardest to keep them from happening. It seems like because you don't want it to happen, it's gonna happen even more. Even if you try to use reverse psychology on it, it just keeps happening. Yea...that's all.

Peace,
Mouse
O._.O

People

Many people come in and out of our lives every day. Some of those people make a noticeable impact. Some of those people seem to just be there to fill in the space so the world doesn't look so empty. We never know that those space filling people sometimes end up being some of our greatest friends or worst enemies or most magnificent loves. I read something that said "There are no such things as strangers; only future friends." I try to think that way when I encounter people. Whether or not I ever see them again, I smile at people when I pass by them on the street. Not like big cheesy smiles, but a grin to acknowledge their existence. I like to feel that I passed on a more positive energy to people whether or not they asked for it. It's always weird when people catch eye contact with you and look right through you, especially when you say "hey" or grin at them or something. I know a lot of people that would respond to their lack of acknowledgement with things such as "screw you too" and the like. It's very unnecessary. When I find myself in the position of "inexistence" with people, I tend to think about what they must have experienced before our brief encounter or if maybe they just aren't friendly people. People love to pass on bad energy; especially when it was passed to them. If you're driving and someone cuts you off, for the rest of the drive you're an angry driver (if you aren't already one). Imagine someone cuts you off and goes speeding to the light, and the light turns red, and they're right in front of you at the same light you were at, but you continue driving and acting like nothing had happened at all. Instead of shouting inaudible insults, you just continue with your day. Imagine the kind of world this would be if we simply removed road rage; how much happier people would be; how fewer accidents would be caused from people being blinded by anger and stupidity. People have control over things like road rage. You might not be able to stop others from driving like idiots, but you can stop yourself from driving like them. I don't know how this became a blog about road rage, but I'm ending it here. Keep this in mind when you're driving though.

Mouse

O._.O

Voodoo Peoples/Worry Dolls/Buddies

Whatever you prefer to call these little guys,

I managed to collect 4 of them.

In order, they are responsible for fun, health, love, and brains.

Yes.

Brains.

I was so intrigued I had to make my own

...but I started a bit different

...using wire and a Mickey Mouse keychain.

But of course I had to make yarn ones!

And so we have Voodoo Batman and Spiderman

...responsible for everything else life throws my way. ^_^

Oh, and now there's Deadpool as well...

Mouse O._.O

That Feeling

I miss that feeling of being in love...looking in someone's eyes, or hearing their voice, or feeling their touch and just filling up with warmth until it explodes from your ears and finger tips. I know I'm keeping myself from relationships right now, but I miss that feeling. I miss going to sleep and feeling complete comfort. And it's weird, because the last time I was in love, I was the only one in it, but the rare occasions where I actually feel there were two of us and not just me are absolutely amazing. Simple moments in a day that would make my entire week feel like I just won the lottery. Feeling like the whole world could explode and I'd be completely happy as long as I was with that person when it happened. Being away for a weekend and feeling their warmth against you after just 2 days of being apart. Being away for a month and falling in love 50 times over again just seeing them on your computer screen.

I want that feeling back so badly right now...

Every now and then I get a taste of it in a song...from the voice of a street performer that may or may not have exchanged flirty glances with me...in poetry...in movies...

That feeling was stolen from me when this year started and I've been struggling with the side effects of the "withdrawal" for a lot longer than I expected.

I'm tired of being upset and angry and of crying tears that flow nowhere.

I have my heart back from the thief and I've locked it up for safe keeping. And I've realized that it takes a lot more than simply doing what I hope you would do to get my heart. I guess I've learned that I'm very picky. And I feel like I deserve to be. There was a time that I didn't care so much, but after two major scars from people telling you that you deserve everything you want and need, it's difficult to simply turn around and pretend you don't want to have everything you want. If this person that is everything I want supposedly really exists, why not pick everything apart until he's found?

...and when he's found...

IF I open my heart to him...

I'll just say that a third time might turn the intensity of my earthquake to a level unmeasurable on the Richter Scale.

Anger was never something I was very familiar with. I don't like it, but the more I encounter it, the less patience I have for the people that cause it.

*sigh*

I'm both tired of love and in need of it...such a dilemma is love.

later days,
mouse

Relationships

I don't like repeating myself more than twice when I know someone has a higher mental capacity than an 8 year old. Anyone reading this needs to know and make it known to anyone that might be interested that I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP right now. I don't want to think about relationships. I don't want to worry about someone wanting to be in a relationship with me. I don't want anyone to wait for me to want to be in a relationship. It's like, if I wanted you to wait for me, I might as well just be with you. Idk...

I've never been the type to like being chased. It happens too often. People fall for me or have crushes on me, and I appreciate that people like me, but it doesn't work for me. I don't like guys drooling at my feet waiting at my every beckon and call. That might be other girls' wishes, but it's not mine. Just be you. Be my friend. Do what you do. And if you happen to catch my interest, then I'll make it known. Also note that just because I have shown an interest, it doesn't guarantee anything. Sometimes showing an interest ruins the way a person acts and then things just get weird. But that's only sometimes. And I have been rejected before. And I have been heart broken. More than once for both of those and I don't like making others feel that way so in the event I have to say no to your requests, don't make it harder on me, please. It'll only make it worse for everyone.

Any who, I don't like being pursued very obviously. You gotta be a ninja. Don't tell me you're after me. Just sneak into my heart by being yourself and going with the flow. If I haven't said anything directly related to wanting to hold your hand or kiss you or be with you or the like, then I probably don't want to. That doesn't mean I never will. But it also doesn't mean I ever will. It just means you're my friend. And it doesn't mean you're not "good enough" for me because if I'm hanging out with you, you're "good enough." You're just not who I want to date.

What else can I cover in this...

Oh, buying me stuff and paying for things won't win you brownie points. I appreciate it very much, but you can't buy me. The only thing you can do is be yourself and hope you catch my attention. There really is no other factor. If you try to change for me, you've already made a mistake. I know what the things I ask for are, but in the beginning, things need to go slow. Just be my friend. When you see me going out of my way for you or trying to hold your hand without you trying to hold mine or asking about your day all the time or texting you randomly and often, then you will know where my heart is.

Actually, even better, if I make one of those corny lame statuses on facebook about it, then you really know where my heart is. And then you can do all those things you've been dying to do. Let me know that you know my birthday and my favorite color or whatever else because I probably know yours, too if I'm really into you. Otherwise, I just kinda like you and I want to see how things are. I don't like rejecting people and so I can sometimes put myself in situations that I'd rather not be in. If I'm not putting forth any effort, it's probably for the above stated reason.

I think that's enough for now.

Peace,
Mouse