Cold and Alone

I love cold weather

But not because I love shivering my butt off

I love cold weather because it gives me every excuse to stay as close to the people I love as I can

And they do the same to me.

Cold weather is not good for being alone.

I think from November to March is just a whole bunch of events to make single people feel like crap.

If you have a close family, things are a lot better.

But people who don't have close family, friends, or some kind of loved one or other passion get cold

I tend not to be a very passionate person on the outside.

I don't get excited often.

I don't want things often.

I don't have reasons to pursue grandiose dreams

I don't set my heart out to get things and then go get them

At least not often.

But when I do

Believe that I get those things.

When I'm excited for something to happen,

I do not get disappointed.

When I want something,

I make sure I get it.

When I pursue something,

The time comes when it is mine.

And when my heart is set,

There is no hammer or vicegrip of any size that can remove the sparkled diamond from my sight.

So why am I writing this blog?

Because I am the only one who can simply lift the diamond and put it back in my pocket for later.

And because I find myself in situations where my wants and excitements are set aside by me for someone else.

Why do I do that?

Well, if I don't, they will.

And that's not fair is it?

If you've been reading my blogs,

I know I haven't been saying much lately, but I want to go back to a post I wrote about "The Hero".

"Who saves the hero?"

I think I'm learning that the hero isn't always saved.

Saved from what exactly?

From loneliness and the coldness that is the world we live in.

From the sad darkness that fills all empty voids.

And I often find myself to be filling with this cold loneliness.

I watched something once about people being born with giant holes in their chests that they try to fill with things

I've yet to find something that satisfies the hole in my chest.

Every time I think I've filled it, cold air goes passing through.

Love, music, art, school, work, animals, people, family, friends

All of these things I try to fill it with,

But it seems to only grow larger.

It expands.

Allowing me to learn and love a little more

But always leaving that empty, unsatisfied space.

I keep saying that my love is without end.

And it's true.

I don't tire of love.

When I have it, I nurture it to grow and fill the void.

I give it with infinite generosity.

Where am I going?

What am I saying?

I'm saying that even love gets lonely.

Love reaches heights that no other thing can compare with, but it's cold and it's lonely up there.

The moon is cold and lonely.

Though you may fly me to it,

I don't want to be there alone.

I think that's all for now..

- Nasia

Can You Afford It Diet

Anyone ever ask you if you can afford something?

What does that mean exactly?

To me, it doesn't mean "do you have enough money in your wallet/bank account at this current moment to purchase this item."

To me, it means, if you buy this, will you be able to take care of other things that need to be paid for later on?

Will this purchase put a hold on any future purchases that you are responsible for?

There are plenty of times that I have the money to buy something, but I can't afford to spend that money on it because I may need it for gas or food later in the week.

Does that make sense?

I often see people buy things because they have the money, but without thinking about if they can afford it.

Maybe that's why I don't buy a whole lot of stuff. I usually can't afford things, and by the time I can afford it, I don't want it as much or at all.

It's the C.Y.A.I. diet. Can You Afford It?

Adopt this into your life and see how much money you save and how few things you buy that you don't actually want two weeks later.

Peace and stuff,
Mouse

Goals or something

In 2 Fridays I will be 22.

Before I turn 23, I want to make myself significantly better in as many ways as I can.

I want to know what it is I want to be doing for the next 5 or 10 years.

I want to be more flexible.

I want to be a better artist, musician, and writer.

How will this be measured?

Well, for the flexibility, it's fairly easy. I can't touch my toes without bending my knees and I can't do the splits either.

I want to be able to do both of these things before I turn 23 or at least be able to touch my toes.

I used to be able to.

I haven't been stretching...

The art is fairly easy to measure as my skill in drawing humans is lacking a lot.

I'll just compare my drawings for the next year and see if there's any improvement.

The same is said for my guitaring/keyboarding/singing...

I know that I am a better singer now than I was last year at this time. I wasn't even playing keyboard last year at this time so that's an improvement.

And my guitaring I don't feel like I've improved, but I know that I can a LOT and I want to.

I need to not be discouraged.

Or more so

I need to be encouraged.

As a kid, I would do things and my parents would be proud of it.

Now, it's kind of like I'm on my own for that.

But my work is not really anything I'm proud of anymore.

And no one else seems exceptionally fond of it.

My boyfriend likes it most of the time.

And his encouragement helps.

But I don't get it all the time.

Because he's far and busy getting his music and school together.

So, it's mostly just me for now.

...

I wonder if anyone even reads my blog anymore...

Besides myself...

Who knows...

It's hard to tell who really cares about your life you know?

I care about a lot of people.

I wish I could interact with more of them more often.

I don't know if they see me the same way.

I don't know if they are even the same person anymore.

But what I remember of them, I miss.

And what I see, I want to be a part of.

But most people like to jump in and out of my world as is convenient.

I hope Shakespeare wants to be around me all the time.

I hope I can call you Shakespeare.

If not, then you might be something more clever...

Something that fits who you are...

Can't wait to bring you home kitty...

Clarity

Why do people think that if they repeat something exactly the way they said it the first time,

that that is clearing it up?

I didn't understand what you wanted the first time you said it.

What makes you think I will understand when you say it the second time?

I keep asking questions because YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE!

I ask questions so that when you look at what I did,

there's no reason it should be wrong

because I did what you told me you wanted.

But if I don't even know what you want

because you don't know how to give proper direction,

you can't tell me I did something wrong.

You didn't even tell me what to do right in the first place.

That's like saying take you to your house,

even though I don't even know who you are.

And if I ask where it is or what it looks like you reply with "MY HOUSE.

It looks like MY HOUSE."

Yes.

I know...

AND WHAT THE HELL DOES YOUR HOUSE LOOK LIKE?!

aghh....

It's so frustrating...

When someone doesn't understand,

and you NEED them to understand,

you CLARIFY by giving new examples and explaining things in a DIFFERENT way.

You answer their question with a NEW ANSWER.

NOOOOTTT the exact same thing you said before...

>_<

headache...

Hello

I haven't blogged in a while, I know. I guess I haven't really had much to say. Or...everything I do want to say, I just say to my boyfriend because I can do that now. I can say whatever is on my mind right to a live person who actually cares instead of to possibly no one or worse, to someone who doesn't want to hear it. I've also said a lot to Twitter I guess. Most things are just...short...bleh I'm bored...

Peace,
Mouse

YOLOSoLo

I was gonna tweet this, but it ended up getting too detailed...

In relationships, you fight and argue and say things you don't mean and you talk and compromise and move forward because life is too short to be mad. It's too short not to just get through with the issue and continue to love each other. You learn your lesson. You don't need to be punished or given consequences. Your consequences are this disruption in your happiness so now that it's over, go be happy. Go love and grow and learn. People keep saying that annoying YOLO crap, but they're using it in all the wrong ways. It should be "Y.O.L.O.So.Lo." You only live once, so love. Love often and as much as you can. Appreciate things. Make it known that you do. Tell people that you think they are wonderful. Smile. Life is frikin difficult enough. Don't make yourself go through it angry or depressed. Ever notice how people always say FML at the worst times? Start saying BML or something similar when things go wrong, then maybe things will go a little more right (Bless My Life).

Trusis,
Mouse <:3 )~

P.S.: Yea, I think I'm crazy. Every few months the mood of my blogs go from this type of optimistic thing to "Who Am I? What Am I Doing With My Life?" But that's what I have to do to figure out how to get back to here.

When You Need It The Least

So often it seems
Life hands you the things you don't need
Right when you need it the least
Bruises on top of cuts just to spread the pain
You finally find your way and life changes the lanes

When I finally stand up,
My audience boos me to sit back down
If you can't respect what I feel,
Then don't choose me to stick around.

You'll lose me before you hear the sound
Of another heartbeat pound
In my chest

I strive only to be my best
Though I feel my best is never as good as the rest
I found out who I was
And I fight for her

If that means fighting you
Then so be it
Have a problem with me?
Show me it

Cause I'd rather take care of this right now
I'm ready to fight now
No more standing in the back taking all the shots
Not letting anyone dim this light now

Hope you don't mind if I step away from the mic now

Sometimes I get a little emotional
And it drives me insane
And I know I've got a sword on the tip of my tongue
So many dragons these words have slain

That's why I don't talk too loud, or too much, or too often
I don't know the volume of my own voice so my insecurities
Soften my vocal chords and I sound uncertain
But give me a mic a stage and maybe even a curtain
Though that's not really necessary

And I'll give you a thought from a heart
That life handed too many things it didn't need
Right when I needed it the least