Cold and Alone

I love cold weather

But not because I love shivering my butt off

I love cold weather because it gives me every excuse to stay as close to the people I love as I can

And they do the same to me.

Cold weather is not good for being alone.

I think from November to March is just a whole bunch of events to make single people feel like crap.

If you have a close family, things are a lot better.

But people who don't have close family, friends, or some kind of loved one or other passion get cold

I tend not to be a very passionate person on the outside.

I don't get excited often.

I don't want things often.

I don't have reasons to pursue grandiose dreams

I don't set my heart out to get things and then go get them

At least not often.

But when I do

Believe that I get those things.

When I'm excited for something to happen,

I do not get disappointed.

When I want something,

I make sure I get it.

When I pursue something,

The time comes when it is mine.

And when my heart is set,

There is no hammer or vicegrip of any size that can remove the sparkled diamond from my sight.

So why am I writing this blog?

Because I am the only one who can simply lift the diamond and put it back in my pocket for later.

And because I find myself in situations where my wants and excitements are set aside by me for someone else.

Why do I do that?

Well, if I don't, they will.

And that's not fair is it?

If you've been reading my blogs,

I know I haven't been saying much lately, but I want to go back to a post I wrote about "The Hero".

"Who saves the hero?"

I think I'm learning that the hero isn't always saved.

Saved from what exactly?

From loneliness and the coldness that is the world we live in.

From the sad darkness that fills all empty voids.

And I often find myself to be filling with this cold loneliness.

I watched something once about people being born with giant holes in their chests that they try to fill with things

I've yet to find something that satisfies the hole in my chest.

Every time I think I've filled it, cold air goes passing through.

Love, music, art, school, work, animals, people, family, friends

All of these things I try to fill it with,

But it seems to only grow larger.

It expands.

Allowing me to learn and love a little more

But always leaving that empty, unsatisfied space.

I keep saying that my love is without end.

And it's true.

I don't tire of love.

When I have it, I nurture it to grow and fill the void.

I give it with infinite generosity.

Where am I going?

What am I saying?

I'm saying that even love gets lonely.

Love reaches heights that no other thing can compare with, but it's cold and it's lonely up there.

The moon is cold and lonely.

Though you may fly me to it,

I don't want to be there alone.

I think that's all for now..

- Nasia