Worry

Worry.

Why do I do it?
A question I have a hell of a time answering.

Because I care?
Sure. But I care about a lot of things/people that I don't worry about.

Because I have trust issues?
No. I don't have trust issues. Not unless you give me a reason to have them. Innocent until proven guilty.

Because I'm a woman?
That's not a good enough reason to me.

I don't think anything will be a good enough reason.






...I don't want to worry.

And the more I do it, the worse its symptoms get.

What are its symptoms?
Well, they start with simple questions...

What did they last say they were doing?
What could be inhibiting communication?
When was the last time we spoke?

Most of it, I can get through with simple explanations that make complete sense to me.
Phones dying, lack of access to internet, dumb friends taking phones because "you text too much", etc.

But that's only the first stage.
After an hour or two later with still no hint of anything,
the questions return, with a few more "out there" questions, but the answers are still relatively easy.

Could something have happened?
Are the people they're with trustworthy?

The questions then elevate and the lack of answers causes this anxiety...

The whole time, trying to talk myself out of this insanity I'm creating in myself.

But I get all worked up and kind of scared even.

What if something did happen?
What do I do?
Why can't I just chill?

It drives me almost to insanity.

But then...





Then I get tired, angry, upset.
The answers to the questions don't matter anymore, but there better be a good explanation later.

I don't know what the results are if the explanation isn't good.

Because I usually get all worked up for no reason.

The whole event was established because of one of the first reasons I thought of.

But I can't help it.

A simple lack of access to long distance communication can create an entire world of insanity in my whole body.

Of course, distractions tend to highly suppress all of this, but sometimes they don't.
Sometimes I just go to bed and hope that I wake up to something amazing.

Sometimes I do.

Sometimes I just figure out how to let it go.




















But I don't like that option anymore.















And I hate the option of going to bed upset, but I guess it's not something completely new...












I don't worry about a lot, but the things/people I do worry about seem to exercise this muscle often enough to drive me a little crazy for some time.













The mouse hates nights like these. >__>