YOLOSoLo

I was gonna tweet this, but it ended up getting too detailed...

In relationships, you fight and argue and say things you don't mean and you talk and compromise and move forward because life is too short to be mad. It's too short not to just get through with the issue and continue to love each other. You learn your lesson. You don't need to be punished or given consequences. Your consequences are this disruption in your happiness so now that it's over, go be happy. Go love and grow and learn. People keep saying that annoying YOLO crap, but they're using it in all the wrong ways. It should be "Y.O.L.O.So.Lo." You only live once, so love. Love often and as much as you can. Appreciate things. Make it known that you do. Tell people that you think they are wonderful. Smile. Life is frikin difficult enough. Don't make yourself go through it angry or depressed. Ever notice how people always say FML at the worst times? Start saying BML or something similar when things go wrong, then maybe things will go a little more right (Bless My Life).

Trusis,
Mouse <:3 )~

P.S.: Yea, I think I'm crazy. Every few months the mood of my blogs go from this type of optimistic thing to "Who Am I? What Am I Doing With My Life?" But that's what I have to do to figure out how to get back to here.

When You Need It The Least

So often it seems
Life hands you the things you don't need
Right when you need it the least
Bruises on top of cuts just to spread the pain
You finally find your way and life changes the lanes

When I finally stand up,
My audience boos me to sit back down
If you can't respect what I feel,
Then don't choose me to stick around.

You'll lose me before you hear the sound
Of another heartbeat pound
In my chest

I strive only to be my best
Though I feel my best is never as good as the rest
I found out who I was
And I fight for her

If that means fighting you
Then so be it
Have a problem with me?
Show me it

Cause I'd rather take care of this right now
I'm ready to fight now
No more standing in the back taking all the shots
Not letting anyone dim this light now

Hope you don't mind if I step away from the mic now

Sometimes I get a little emotional
And it drives me insane
And I know I've got a sword on the tip of my tongue
So many dragons these words have slain

That's why I don't talk too loud, or too much, or too often
I don't know the volume of my own voice so my insecurities
Soften my vocal chords and I sound uncertain
But give me a mic a stage and maybe even a curtain
Though that's not really necessary

And I'll give you a thought from a heart
That life handed too many things it didn't need
Right when I needed it the least

Waiting?

I feel like I spend a lot of my time waiting for things. Waiting for work to end. Waiting for the weekend. Waiting to see people. Waiting for events. At the same time, I feel like I do a lot. I work like 9 hours a day. I learn all sorts of things from crochet to keyboard. I write. I talk to people. I work out a bit. And then I still feel like I don't do anything at all. And I've been sleeping pretty poorly lately, too, which makes me super tired at work. I don't know what that's about. I haven't changed anything in my eating/sleeping cycle. It's like my body is exhausted but my mind is looking for something more. It's just eating everything up that I throw at it. I just get bored so quickly. I do something exciting and then it becomes boring after a while. And I feel like the time it takes to get boring is getting shorter. I'm excited for things in my future, but they seem to come and go so quickly or take forever. I get bored living in today. Yesterday, I was looking at my old blog posts...

Am I going crazy?

I keep asking that, but compared to all the other seemingly sane people, I feel like I must be crazy. I bet everyone feels that way. Probably...

I don't know what I'm waiting for.

I work all day and can't wait until I talk to my boyfriend at night.
I'm in San Diego all week and can't wait until the weekends when I go to Los Angeles to be with my family.

There's something with this routine that I've fallen into, this life I've created, that I'm unhappy with.

There has to be.

Beside that most everyone I love is too far, I don't know what it could be.

Maybe that's it.

I don't have people out here to see besides my coworkers and even they live a fairly far distance from me so it's not like I can chill with them.

All of my other friends are living their lives in far off places.

I'm going to go crazy if I don't take myself out of this routine and get some people in my life.

Why am I on facebook 24/7?

Because that's where the people I love are and it's my only connection to most of them.

I can't say "get a life" because I have a great one.

I just need...

more life...

or something...

I need more love surrounding me...

More ways to output my love.

Idk...


Chill,
Mouse

This Isn't Me

I'm not as strong as I used to be

Or maybe this is more difficult than I could have ever imagined

You can never prepare yourself for something like this

So why do I continue to try? To worry?

Why do phone calls make me anxious and depressed?

Why does anything oustide my usual routine fill me with bad thoughts?

Even after reassurance, I worry.

Nothing is in our control.

Am I losing control?

Or the illusion of control?

What's changed?

That's it.

I've lost control.

My imaginary world of control has been shattered and I'm lost.

I try leaving it to religion, to family, to love, to work, to hobbies, to distractions,

But it eats away at me.

My heart breaks too much

I've gained so much in my life

But I feel like none of it is worth what I've lost

At least not when I'm like this.

And as difficult as it is to hold in.

It's even more difficult to release

To talk about

To explain.

To ask for help.

But by myself I go crazy.

But I don't want to bring everyone down.

This isn't me.

This isn't Donasia.

I don't know what this is.

Pain.

I want to push everything away.

So I have nothing to worry about.

But what am I without you

My family and friends are what make me ME

I can't push it all away.

Besides, I'd probably just worry even MORE

Every time I see any one of them I take advantage of it.

It might not be visible

But every hug

I make sure I feel it

Every I love you

To every one of them

Maybe if I keep releasing the love, I won't feel the pain.

But when there is no one to show any love,

When it's just me,

It comes back.

When I sleep.

When I shower.

I have to stay occupied

My mind left to its own conventions is breeding ground for the worst inventions

Why?

This isn't me...

Life

is too short for anger and tears.

Too fast for closed eyes and closed ears

Life takes what it wants and doesn't return

And it rarely ever gives you what you truly deserve

But something about life tells us it's worth it

Running in all direction though our destination is predetermined

We're burning with life from the day we're born

If you're not busy living, what are you breathing for?

Life's too short to hold on to fears and regret

The things you put out determine the things you get

And if you make it to one point what's to stop your from rising higher

Every downfall's a minus but every step up is a multiplier

If you're not going forward, you're falling behind

There's only one button buddy, and it's not rewind.

A Prayer

Lord,

You have never steered me wrong.

In your hands I lay my heart.

With your help I will be strong.

From me, this pain shall part.

I put all my trust in you.

And I will worry no longer

Whatever you ask, I'll do.

For you make me stronger.

And Lord I know I'm a sinner

Forever grateful for your forgiveness

I need you now more than ever

To help cure this world of sickness

Not colds Lord I mean hate

I know you see it from your seat above

I'm not trying to spread the faith

Just want to infect the world with love

Lord I see you taking your angels home

A few you've accepted from my family

I know they sit beside you on your throne

I know they greeted you happily

Their lives put hope in the fallen

And their love for this world was immense

Lord I'm following their calling

So let's let this healing commence

My heart and soul are at your fingertips

I know they're only mine to borrow

So let them be like cargo ships

And bring love to this world of sorrow.

Sugar Sync

Ehhhh..

It's like dropbox I suppose.

I have yet to try it fully, but it sounds cool.

You start with 5gb of space and get 500mb for each person you add. Perty nice.

Click Me :)