There are very few moments in my life that I feel this overwhelmed with this feeling...this...THIS. This lack of words. This overflow of words. This light, floaty, walking on clouds type of hoo ha seen only in movies and novels and other such fairy-tale-like associated things. Please excuse my vocabulary, I think it's somewhere lost in the jumble of butterflies and clouds and fireworks...gotta straighten up this room, but my feet won't stay planted on the floor...<3
I'll do my best...
Sweet...sweet peas...mmm...,
<:3 )~
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
This Thanksgiving
I have a whole lot to be thankful for. I've got my family, though we're missing a few members, they're still here in spirit. I'm thankful for the time I got with them. I've got an awesomazing new job. I'm thankful for that. I've got my best friend out here, too, even though I left him at my mom's house to be in San Diego, but he's in Cali. That's a step. I have an awesome boyfriend who appreciates all that I do. And I'm thankful for that. It's almost been a month now and maybe too soon for any sort of *brainfart* <insert word> not assumptions but like...idunno. I'm just really happy and thankful to have him. He gets me and if he doesn't he tries to or at least just smiles and nods. Haha. Anyway, I gotta get out and be social. Hasta la pasta
Happy Thanksgiving,
Peace, Love, Happiness,
etc. etc.
<:3 )~
Happy Thanksgiving,
Peace, Love, Happiness,
etc. etc.
<:3 )~
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Upgrade
Man, there's so much stuff I need to take care of when I go back to LA. Whenever that is. Oh, I'm in San Diddy now for anyone that didn't know. Working out here with my bro now. Woah now. Mouse is collecting a lil dough now. Hahahaha. Okay I'm done. But yea, I wanna get my hair cut. Get my style in tact. Get everything just cleaned up and organized. I came out here in a quick flash. Didn't really have time to really be prepared for days like this where I'm just chilling on the couch. Like, if I had my skateboard, I'd go ride to the little downtown area that I keep seeing signs for or even to the mall or somewhere. I have a car here, but I don't wanna drive. I wanna experience the city. I'm used to exploring on my own. I did it in Florida. I did it when I came back to LA. I kinda did it in Huntington, but I usually had my lil bro with me. It still counts though. The two of us biking or skating around and going into places just 'cause. I did that in Florida. Biked to the mall or down the bike path or just anywhere with or without a friend or two. I remember one time Chris, his buddy, and I biked all the way to downtown Orlando. Through rain and cold and humidity. That was a cool adventure. I don't like adventuring in a car unless we're going waaaay far or something. We still have to get out of the car and walk around. That's why public transportation is cool. You can just get off wherever and see all the people and explore. I wanna explore Mexicali. I think that's what this is anyway. Might as well be, if it isn't already. There's gotta be something around here to catch my interest. I bet there's a poetry night at a cafe around here that I'm sooo missing out on on some night of the week. There's a yoga place around the corner that I considered walking into. I'm gonna have to make Sundays ExploreDay when I get my bike or skateboard or a scooter or SOMETHING.
It would also be cool to have my desk. Photoshopping without it can be rather...un-preferred. Stupid red ant line, go away. un-preferred needs to be a word...I use it a lot.
Anyway, gonna play in Photoshop.
Peace,
<:3 )~
It would also be cool to have my desk. Photoshopping without it can be rather...un-preferred. Stupid red ant line, go away. un-preferred needs to be a word...I use it a lot.
Anyway, gonna play in Photoshop.
Peace,
<:3 )~
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Deserve and a Ranty List
You know that saying about getting what you deserve. I don't remember which one is the real one. You only get what you deserve or something along those lines. I was just thinking about it. Kinda dove into my head for a second and came out with this...they say you get what you deserve and then some complain they got things they didn't deserve...right? Like, you spend all your life being this great person and then you get crapped on anyway, right? Or someone breaks into your car and steals your radio or something. Technically, in that second situation, you didn't get anything. You just lost your radio...and a window. But anyway, everyone gets what they deserve. Sometimes it takes feeling like you didn't deserve something to know what you truly DO deserve...if that makes sense. Which actually would kind of mean that you did deserve that...for the sake of the lesson. Anyway, it's like they say about things happening. It's always for a reason. Everything has a purpose. And that purpose doesn't need to be sought out or made apparent to be relevant or important, or influential. Sometimes I think the most pointless things can be the most important things.
Hm...Between Facebook, Twitter, and this burger I lost my train of thought...guess I'll have to wait here for the next one...badum psh!
Well, new topic...
In the past few years I've learned a lot about myself and my patterns. A few of the things I've learned are listed below:
- I have done things for attention, whether it be positive or negative attention, just for the experience that comes with it.
- Blogging is NOT a good way to release your thoughts if people you actually know read your blogs. They WILL hold it against you.
- I have several people in my head. No, I'm not bipolar nor schizophrenic nor anything like that. I just keep myself split up so one emotion doesn't over rule. Sounds like a type of government policy or something. There is one "mind" that rules them all, and it is the most sensible one and the one that you see every day. All the others are just ranges of emotion.
- I still do things just to amuse myself and people still don't understand it.
- I've stopped reading my horoscope because it's depressing.
- I still read about zodiac signs because they're interesting.
- My past doesn't really haunt me. It just startles me and makes me feel temporarily awkward for brief moments.
- I take a lil' bit to warm up to people and new situations when I feel inferior or on a lower level even if they aren't trying to make me feel that way. The minute they show any sign of feeling awkward or uncomfortable, too, I open up and let go of my worries.
- I do feel the need to be impressive often.
- I already knew this, but it needs to be emphasized: My family can help me through anything.
- I push things away when I'm uncomfortable and that's the easiest way out, unless it's something that I really need to deal with and there is no other choice.
- I'm a whole lot more selfish with my heart.
- I will let go of things that disturb me a whole lot faster than I used to.
- When I say no, I mean NO. Though I hardly ever tell anyone that I can't do something for them because most of the time I can and it won't harm me to do it for them.
- The more comfortable I am around you, the more likely I am to actually talk to you about deeper topics. I'll write about it to almost anyone...look at my blog. If I don't want to talk, I will not talk, and you can either take it that I don't trust you, I'm uncomfortable around you, or it's a subject I don't think you should know about. These conditions can change at ANY TIME.
- I withhold the right to feel anyway I want at any time as well.
- I get irritated when I tell someone something more than once, but I'm patient and understand that not everyone gets it the first time, but after the second and MAYBE third time, I'll stop saying it. I'll also stop associating with you at that moment. It's not that I don't care or that I don't have time. It's that I feel like you don't respect me and don't deserve my attention any longer. It's simple...
- I like to smother those that I hold closest to my heart with compliments, gifts, hugs, or anything that will make them smile. Even if it's just doing the dishes.
- I will offer my advice to anyone that asks for it if I can. The outcome of your actions, whatever you decide to do, is a consequence of your own decisions. If something good comes out of following my advice, I'm simply glad to have helped. If not, I apologize, but it was only advice and it's what worked for me and I hope we both learn something from it. If I was actually right, well, I hope you learned something new for next time and that's all that matters.
- There are many days I look in the mirror and don't think I'm exactly pretty. I'm not being insecure or self-conscious. I'm just being critical and real with myself.
- I still take compliments weird and am strangely embarrassed by them sometimes.
- I actually do have very high standards and the more I realize what they are, the more sense it makes that they are there.
- I wish there was a way to figure out how to let God into my life more concretely without going to church. It isn't something that makes me feel any closer to him. I admire people for their religious beliefs and the strength they gain from it.
- I associate myself with judgmental people more often than I would like to, but "everyone's a little bit racist."
- If you are mad at me, I will either try to fix the situation OR ignore it depending on how I feel about why you're mad. It's rare, but if I ignore it, that's not a good thing. I probably don't care that you're mad and won't care.
- I am very easy to please, but also pretty easy to disturb.
- I have many best friends that I've made through my journey in this life.
- Only a woman will ever really understand what's going on in her head. If you think otherwise, you're already wrong. You can get close, but you will never know.
- On top of that last one, III never even know what's truly going on in my head with all that goes on up there. It's possible that something I say might contradict something else, yet they're both the truth.
- There is a name, that whenever I see/hear it, I feel a little torch light up in the center of my chest and I hear farmers with pitchforks hollering out obscenities. You might think you know it, but you don't.
- Christmas gives me that feeling of being in love.
- "Last Christmas I gave someone my heart and the very next month, they tore it apart. This year to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special." My own little spin on that song...
- I don't like the usual, but don't try to be different.
Ok, that's all for now...
<:3 )~
Hm...Between Facebook, Twitter, and this burger I lost my train of thought...guess I'll have to wait here for the next one...badum psh!
Well, new topic...
In the past few years I've learned a lot about myself and my patterns. A few of the things I've learned are listed below:
- I have done things for attention, whether it be positive or negative attention, just for the experience that comes with it.
- Blogging is NOT a good way to release your thoughts if people you actually know read your blogs. They WILL hold it against you.
- I have several people in my head. No, I'm not bipolar nor schizophrenic nor anything like that. I just keep myself split up so one emotion doesn't over rule. Sounds like a type of government policy or something. There is one "mind" that rules them all, and it is the most sensible one and the one that you see every day. All the others are just ranges of emotion.
- I still do things just to amuse myself and people still don't understand it.
- I've stopped reading my horoscope because it's depressing.
- I still read about zodiac signs because they're interesting.
- My past doesn't really haunt me. It just startles me and makes me feel temporarily awkward for brief moments.
- I take a lil' bit to warm up to people and new situations when I feel inferior or on a lower level even if they aren't trying to make me feel that way. The minute they show any sign of feeling awkward or uncomfortable, too, I open up and let go of my worries.
- I do feel the need to be impressive often.
- I already knew this, but it needs to be emphasized: My family can help me through anything.
- I push things away when I'm uncomfortable and that's the easiest way out, unless it's something that I really need to deal with and there is no other choice.
- I'm a whole lot more selfish with my heart.
- I will let go of things that disturb me a whole lot faster than I used to.
- When I say no, I mean NO. Though I hardly ever tell anyone that I can't do something for them because most of the time I can and it won't harm me to do it for them.
- The more comfortable I am around you, the more likely I am to actually talk to you about deeper topics. I'll write about it to almost anyone...look at my blog. If I don't want to talk, I will not talk, and you can either take it that I don't trust you, I'm uncomfortable around you, or it's a subject I don't think you should know about. These conditions can change at ANY TIME.
- I withhold the right to feel anyway I want at any time as well.
- I get irritated when I tell someone something more than once, but I'm patient and understand that not everyone gets it the first time, but after the second and MAYBE third time, I'll stop saying it. I'll also stop associating with you at that moment. It's not that I don't care or that I don't have time. It's that I feel like you don't respect me and don't deserve my attention any longer. It's simple...
- I like to smother those that I hold closest to my heart with compliments, gifts, hugs, or anything that will make them smile. Even if it's just doing the dishes.
- I will offer my advice to anyone that asks for it if I can. The outcome of your actions, whatever you decide to do, is a consequence of your own decisions. If something good comes out of following my advice, I'm simply glad to have helped. If not, I apologize, but it was only advice and it's what worked for me and I hope we both learn something from it. If I was actually right, well, I hope you learned something new for next time and that's all that matters.
- There are many days I look in the mirror and don't think I'm exactly pretty. I'm not being insecure or self-conscious. I'm just being critical and real with myself.
- I still take compliments weird and am strangely embarrassed by them sometimes.
- I actually do have very high standards and the more I realize what they are, the more sense it makes that they are there.
- I wish there was a way to figure out how to let God into my life more concretely without going to church. It isn't something that makes me feel any closer to him. I admire people for their religious beliefs and the strength they gain from it.
- I associate myself with judgmental people more often than I would like to, but "everyone's a little bit racist."
- If you are mad at me, I will either try to fix the situation OR ignore it depending on how I feel about why you're mad. It's rare, but if I ignore it, that's not a good thing. I probably don't care that you're mad and won't care.
- I am very easy to please, but also pretty easy to disturb.
- I have many best friends that I've made through my journey in this life.
- Only a woman will ever really understand what's going on in her head. If you think otherwise, you're already wrong. You can get close, but you will never know.
- On top of that last one, III never even know what's truly going on in my head with all that goes on up there. It's possible that something I say might contradict something else, yet they're both the truth.
- There is a name, that whenever I see/hear it, I feel a little torch light up in the center of my chest and I hear farmers with pitchforks hollering out obscenities. You might think you know it, but you don't.
- Christmas gives me that feeling of being in love.
- "Last Christmas I gave someone my heart and the very next month, they tore it apart. This year to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special." My own little spin on that song...
- I don't like the usual, but don't try to be different.
Ok, that's all for now...
<:3 )~
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