Some Writing

Well...it seems I'm never at a loss for words when no one's around to hear them...

staring at the blinking text indicator
waiting for it to reveal the words i need to say to you
my hands feel like foreigners
sitting on the home keys.
im hoping at some point
the muscles in my fingers will contract
and press the proper letters
before i have a moment to think of what i should say
because my thoughts have brought us to this point
and my heart wants nothing to do with me.
i'm left with no sort of direction
beside the motor functions that define life
and if i stand up and start walking
i'll be going nowhere
because everywhere is nowhere without love
or at least passion
and i don't know where or how to find either
so i'll just sit here in my own misery
waiting for your fingers to develop a well organized process of thoughts or feelings
that i can try to reply to
and though the words never come out so smoothly when i say them
i let my mind trigger my fingers to type out phrases
and just before i hit enter i look at my own reflection
and i wonder if your face looks any more sad than my own
somehow i hit enter and i leave the page
returning only to make sure that i had actually hit enter
...
you're typing.
what could you be saying
no anxiety enters my skin
no butterflies
i'm not nervous
i just want to stop
i just want to end it all
pretend you were just my friend all along
and we just had a fun time
and hearts were never involved
love was never a factor
but i get to the end of my storybook
and you're still there
awkwardly grinning because you don't cry
not at first at least
and with all the sincerity my body posses i type
I'm sorry.
I'm so so sorry.
Yet no matter how many so's or sorry's are revealed by that text indicator,
It never suffices.
I know your pain
I know no amount of apologies will take that away
You have every right to be angry with me
But you're not
You think you've lost me
But I lost me first...